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buying things online is becoming more popular. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

buying things online is becoming more popular. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? AjmpN
Nowadays, there are many arguments concerning online shopping that has recently been current. It is clear that the positive effects of online purchasing could certainly offset its negative points. On the one hand, the most drawback of buying online products is that hackers can get access to computer systems. This means that they steal frequently private data and significant personal information that is related to the credit card. For example, statistics show that most crimes committed through the internet yearly. Thus, the government always notice online fraud. Another disadvantage is that most of the time information shared online shops is misinformation. For instance, most of the products on the internet shopping are flashy and poor in quality, nonetheless, the website owners use gimmicks to show their products are the best. One the other hand, many people claim that online shopping has brought important benefits. One of the considerable advantages is that the range of products sold in online markets is unlimited. Therefore, if the consumers decided to buy online digital devices, they would have various choices among lots of different brands. Also, not only can consumers compare prices of products in online markets but also they can save their time. Another merit is that most online shops are available 24/7. In other words, if retailers and shopping centres were close on holiday, the buyer would use online websites to provide their needs. In conclusion, although some people believe that purchasing tools online causes costumers to deal with many negative problems such as online robbery, in my opinion, people's habit of shopping is affected positively by online shopping. Thus, people should buy online.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
that has recently been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
purchasing could
certainly
offset its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points.

On the one hand, the most drawback of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is that hackers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to computer systems. This means that they steal
frequently
private data and significant personal information that
is related
to the credit card.
For example
, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that most crimes committed through the internet yearly.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
always notice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
fraud. Another disadvantage is that most of the time information shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops is misinformation.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are flashy and poor in quality, nonetheless, the website owners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
gimmicks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are the best.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits. One of the considerable advantages is that the range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
sold in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets
is unlimited
.
Therefore
, if the consumers decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
digital devices, they would have various choices among lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands.
Also
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can consumers compare prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can save their time. Another merit is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops are available 24/7.
In other words
, if retailers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
were close on holiday, the buyer would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
websites to provide their needs.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that purchasing tools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
causes costumers to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
problems such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
robbery, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
positively
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
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IELTS essay buying things online is becoming more popular. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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