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Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? v.2

Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. v. 2
These days, modern people are keen to think that the businessmen should do everything for making the profit. However, others feel that such kinds of methods will not work, as there are many people who are willing to work for the benefit of the society. Personally, I believe that individuals should concentrate on the benefit of the other people. Accordingly, businessmen should not put their own profit above than others. On the one hand, it is clear that the business world should be clear and transparent. In this regard, many people are reckoned to think that the owners cannot do everything for their annual revenue. Moreover, other people should be benefited by these works, and it is not correct to not think about the society. For instance, the city men cannot commit the crime in order to make a profit. On the other hand, it is true that setting and running a business is difficult, especially for the people who has not an experience. In this reason, many people are reckoned to think that rustlers should do everything for their future revenue. Furthermore, trading and servicing are very difficult task for many people. In this regard, some people tend to think that in order to obtain the customers' number, the owners should be ready for anything. Even if the clients are keen to ask for minor things such as providing detailed information about the product or discounts, the owners should behave themselves accurately. In conclusion, although many people are keen to think that the city men can do many things in order to obtain the customers' number, others feel that certain activities such as crime should be prohibited. Personally, I believe that the rich people should serve the general public.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the businessmen should do everything for making the profit.
However
, others feel that such kinds of methods will not work, as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are willing to work for the benefit of the society.
Personally
, I believe that individuals should concentrate on the benefit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Accordingly
, businessmen should not put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profit
Use "(above)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
above
than others.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the business world should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and transparent. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the owners cannot do everything for their annual revenue.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be benefited
by these works, and it is not correct to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about the society.
For instance
, the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
cannot commit the crime in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is true that setting and running a business is difficult,
especially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
not an experience. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that rustlers should do everything for their future revenue.
Furthermore
, trading and servicing are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult task for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that in order to obtain the customers' number, the owners should be ready for anything. Even if the clients are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
minor things such as providing detailed information about the product or discounts, the owners should behave themselves
accurately
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in order to obtain the customers' number, others feel that certain activities such as crime should
be prohibited
.
Personally
, I believe that the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should serve the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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