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business task about importance of busisness

business task about importance of busisness 7PJOA
Nowadays, businesses usually put a great emphasis on their products via advertisements, some sorts of brochures, leaflets and so forth, asserting that their commodities are remarkably different from their competitors. In my viewpoint, I am radically in favor of this particular approach and presume that this strategy should be considered as a positive element. In the fact that the global economy has gradually shifted from stock economy into a form of flow economy in order to partly meet an increasing massive amount of customers’ demands and mostly foster its economic system. As a result, it produces a race of competition causing businesses to design a very creative method claiming that their own products can highly outperform when compared with the other business participants. There ought to be several pros behind this trend. First of all, distinguished advertisement contents could increase the company’s sales. Most consumers are easily drawn to unique stuffs and information streaming from their eyes, thus when there is a certain kind of product accompanying with outstanding and special features tend to catch more of their attention. It then leads to the marketing department’s turn in creating the advertising content which is unique to some extent to draw customers’ interests. Secondly, this sort of approach can bring about a placebo effect in consumers’ conviction and may cause them feel much more satisfied with their choice, via company’s advertisement, which is originally tough to be picked up among a host of options. It could be argued that, since businesses are putting more and more efforts in differentiating their goods and unintentionally making the information less authentic as well as overestimated. However, I think that marketing staff are well-qualified enough to create the contents which just aim for a sales’ increase and try to avoid to exaggerate the usages of product such as cancer cure. To sum up, I totally approve this approach and presume that it would attain its most efficiency if corporations don’t exaggerate the product’s usages via their advertisement contents
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
usually
put a great emphasis on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of brochures, leaflets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth, asserting that their commodities are
remarkably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their competitors. In my viewpoint, I am
radically
in favor of this particular approach and presume that this strategy should
be considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
element.

In the fact that the global economy has
gradually
shifted from stock economy into a form of flow economy in order to partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
an increasing massive amount of customers’ demands and
mostly
foster its economic system.
As a result
, it produces a race of competition causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to design a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
creative method claiming that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
highly
outperform when compared with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
participants.

There ought to be several pros behind this trend.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, distinguished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
contents could increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s sales. Most consumers are
easily
drawn to unique stuffs and information streaming from their eyes,
thus
when there is a certain kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanying by".
accompanying with
outstanding and special features tend to catch more of their attention. It then leads to the marketing department’s turn in creating the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
which is unique to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent to draw customers’ interests.
Secondly
, this sort of approach can bring about a placebo effect in consumers’ conviction and may cause them feel much more satisfied with their choice, via
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, which is
originally
tough to
be picked
up among a host of options. It could
be argued
that, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are putting more and more efforts in differentiating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
unintentionally
making the information less authentic
as well
as overestimated.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that marketing staff are well-qualified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to create the contents which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
aim for a sales’ increase and try to
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid exaggerating".
avoid to exaggerate
the usages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
such as cancer cure.

To sum up, I
totally
approve this approach and presume that it would attain its most efficiency if corporations don’t exaggerate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product’s
usages via their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
contents
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IELTS essay business task about importance of busisness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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