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Business meetings, discussion and training are seen. Is this a positive change or negative?

Business meetings, discussion and training are seen. Is this a positive change or negative? 52p0N
It is an undeniable fact that online communication is gradually rising in all sectors. Research shows that plenty of owners prefer online conversations for business meeting and training in this fast-paced era. I think that this is a positive a trend. Both the aspects shall be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. There seem to be two main merits stemming from this situation. To begin with, online communication is save time To explain, in recent time, it is necessary to take part in every business events, which requires long journey hours. Moreover, some training needs ample of day so it would be difficult for some individuals to stay outside without their family. For instance, in recent time, ample of female are working in industries. Therefore, they can not occupy a lot of hours outside, and taking part in all training is difficult for them. Hence, it is extremely beneficial for community to communicate through online. A second point in the favour of sceptics is that international connections are enhancing, due to online communication. Now, companies upgrade their knowledge to take part in various foreign training. Additionally, they learn different techniques and equipment, which are extremely easy to use. Therefore, if they have a stupendous knowledge, they will earn name and fame. Individuals, On the other hand, can not get marvellous knowledge through online. So, it would be difficult for them to apply advance techniques. Additionally, owing to less interpersonal connection, bonds between colleagues are not strong. To conclude, technology gives us abundance of facilities. It is worth discussing that every individuals save their time, and they gain opportunity to acquire international knowledge, which is beneficial for company as well as individual.
It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication is
gradually
rising in all sectors. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of owners prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
conversations for business meeting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced era. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
a trend. Both the aspects shall
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

There seem to be two main merits stemming from this situation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication is
The word "save" is a verb. Did you mean the adjective "safe"?
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in every business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which requires long journey hours.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
needs ample of day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals to stay outside without their family.
For instance
, in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, ample of female are working in industries.
Therefore
, they can not occupy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hours outside, and taking part in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is difficult for them.
Hence
, it is
extremely
beneficial for community to communicate through online.

A second point in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptics' is British English.
sceptics
is that international connections are enhancing, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
upgrade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in various foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
Additionally
, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
techniques and equipment, which are
extremely
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Therefore
, if they have a stupendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, they will earn name and fame.

Individuals,
On the other hand
, can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would be difficult for them to apply advance techniques.
Additionally
, owing to less interpersonal connection, bonds between colleagues are not strong.

To conclude
, technology gives us abundance of facilities. It is worth discussing that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and they gain opportunity to acquire international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, which is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as well
as individual.
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IELTS essay Business meetings, discussion and training are seen. Is this a positive change or negative?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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