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Building homes in countryside

Building homes in countryside gADpA
With development of cities and towns, number of problems arises. One of the most critical problem of this kind is housing. As industries and companies grow, and the need of offices increase, the need for space to construct buildings for all kinds of purposes appears. New offices, Houses for employees, sport areas like gyms and stadiums, Theatres and cinemas, shops and stores are some examples of this. One approach to this issue is first use all grounds available for any type of construction needed. Hence, Houses and companies allocate beside each other. This kind of urban development has a couple of issues. For example, air or sound pollution may trouble local residents, or traffic jam cause devastating situation. Another solution is to make specified areas in the city. Downtown reserved as workplace and suburbs for residence. By doing so, many problems mentioned in first way would be solved. However, some other forms of trouble appear. This kind of town layout needs sophisticated public transport infrastructure. Making even parallel ways of going to city center and coming back, for example, busses, subway, taxis all together from suburb to downtown and back. But I think the advantages of this way out weighs its disadvantages. Making a peaceful, quiet, stress-free area for people to spend their resting times is very beneficial. Specially for employees who have to tolerate too much stress while working. You can build spaces exclusively for children to play while avoiding risk of car accidents for example. Moreover, this approach can keep living place neater and healthier because industrial pollution is not present there. In conclusion, I disagree the idea of not constructing residential buildings in countryside. Although, Attention must be paid to make infrastructure for living there like hospitals, parks, schools and so on, and maintain the natural scenery of the area simultaneously. This way we can make a balanced development specially in metropolitan areas.
With development of cities and towns, number of problems arises. One of the most critical problem of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
is housing. As industries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
grow, and the need of offices increase, the need for space to construct buildings for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of purposes appears. New offices,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Houses
for employees, sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
like gyms and stadiums,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Theatres' is British English.
Theatres
and cinemas, shops and stores are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of this.

One approach to this issue is
first
Consider using a past participle here: "used".
use
all grounds available for any type of construction needed.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Houses
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
allocate beside each other. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of urban development has a couple of issues. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, air or sound pollution may trouble local residents, or traffic jam cause devastating situation.

Another solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
specified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in the city. Downtown reserved as workplace and suburbs for residence. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems mentioned in
first
way would
be solved
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other forms of trouble appear. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of town layout needs sophisticated public transport infrastructure. Making even parallel ways of going to city center and coming back, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, busses, subway, taxis all together from suburb to downtown and back.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of this way out weighs its disadvantages. Making a peaceful, quiet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend their resting times is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial.
Specially
for employees who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tolerate too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
while working. You can build spaces exclusively for children to play while avoiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of car accidents for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
.
Moreover
, this approach can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
living place neater and healthier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
industrial pollution is not present there.

In conclusion
, I disagree the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of not constructing residential buildings in countryside. Although, Attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
infrastructure for living there like hospitals, parks, schools and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, and maintain the natural scenery of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
simultaneously
. This way we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balanced development
specially
in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
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IELTS essay Building homes in countryside

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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