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Broadcast talent shows have become famous among public viewers recently. They have two purpose to find some people with talents and entertain the public at the same time. I believe these shows serve the purposes

Broadcast talent shows have become famous among public viewers recently. They have two purpose to find some people with talents and entertain the public at the same time. I believe these shows serve the purposes N3RY2
Some event in television can be helpful for people showing their talents and skills and income to industries which broadcast dirty because many people have a talent but they cannot develope it and show it to the public. The event like this will bring a person who has talents to be recognized publically. Such as American got talent, the voice kids Indonesian idol etc. It are competition which makes people compete with talents their has. It make participant competing against other participator to show who has better and then the judges determine the best participants. The competitions in television it can entertain the audience even more the participan compete their talents and other participators. Atmosphere like this made a person who is watch the event be more excited. People can not bored in watch the channel with the more was audience. It can be the channel highly developing. Became alternative also as voter in order to help the jury find the best contestans. Viewers tin be encouraged to contestIn conclusion the rivalry with their talents it be one of the ways in life for make of money and if their famous it can be benefit in order to a artist or singer. This also tin to watch to all age groups because the competition net not showing which is dangerous or more vulgar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in television can be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
showing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and income to industries which broadcast dirty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
it to the public. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
like this will bring a person who has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
to
be recognized
publically
. Such as American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, the voice kids Indonesian idol etc. It
Did you mean "is"?
are
competition which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
their has. It
Did you mean "makes"?
make
participant competing against other participator to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
who has better and then the judges determine the best participants. The competitions in television it can entertain the audience even more the
Possible spelling mistake found.
participan
compete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and other participators. Atmosphere like this made a person who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
be more excited.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can not
The verb 'can' requires base form of the verb: "bore"
bored
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the channel with the more was audience. It can be the channel
highly
developing. Became alternative
also
as voter in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the jury find the best
Possible spelling mistake found.
contestans
. Viewers tin
be encouraged
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
contestIn
conclusion the rivalry with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
it
Did you mean "is"?
be
one of the ways in life for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
of money and if their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
it can be benefit in order to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
artist or singer. This
also
tin to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to all age groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the competition net not showing which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
or more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
vulgar
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IELTS essay Broadcast talent shows have become famous among public viewers recently. They have two purpose to find some people with talents and entertain the public at the same time. I believe these shows serve the purposes

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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