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Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this? v.2

Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this? v. 2
It is undeniable that difficulties are inevitable truth in the human lite. Some people think that accepting situations are the optimal way, while others prefer to try to fix the problems. On the one hand, almost of people are unable to drastically change their situation and the fact would make them feel satisfied with the lute. For example, some people live in a bad economic condition. In the 1940s, Socialist Republic of Vietnam was one of the poorest countries on the Earth, which due to the lack of developing infrastructure and was being colonized by French. For some residents living in the small villages, which were collapsed by the war or famine. So in that situation, they must find the way to improve their living standard when it may impossible. Instead, the people at that time were accepting that they can’t change their life any more so the villagers just focused on families’ survival. On the other hand, few people, even in the most difficult situation, still try their best to find the ways to overcome it, through continued effort. In some developing countries, the citizen had worked hard to contribute a part to their country. After world war 2, Japan was devastated by the war to a very heavy level, but is the one of the great economic power. Since Japan was unable to revive its economy, the government decided to wisely pray for American aid- at the moment is the most powerful country. Thanks to that, that Asia country got to access to the industry and electronic devices of American, so now Japan were able to be a leader in technology by reputable companies such as Sony, Nokia and Toyota, etc. . . The people had to work hand to improve their lives is an example for all of war-torn nations. In conclusion, even though some evidence claims that it will be better to accept what happened, I believe that people should effort to overcome the bad situations.
It is undeniable that difficulties are inevitable truth in the human lite.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
are the optimal way, while others prefer to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the problems.

On the one hand, almost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and the fact would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel satisfied with the lute.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
economic condition. In the 1940s, Socialist Republic of Vietnam was one of the poorest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on the Earth, which due to the lack of developing infrastructure and was
being colonized
by French. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
residents living in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages, which
were collapsed
by the war or famine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard when it
The word 'impossible' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may impossible
.
Instead
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at that time were accepting that they can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the villagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focused on families’ survival.

On the other hand
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even in the most difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
,
still
try their best to find the ways to overcome it, through continued effort. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the citizen had worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to contribute a part to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. After
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war 2
, Japan
was devastated
by the war to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
heavy level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is the one of the great economic power. Since Japan was unable to revive its economy, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decided to
wisely
pray for American aid- at the moment is the most powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Thanks to that, that Asia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to access to the industry and electronic devices of American,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Japan were able to be a leader in technology by reputable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as Sony, Nokia and Toyota, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to work hand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is an example for all of war-torn nations.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidence claims that it will be better to accept what happened, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should effort to overcome the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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