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Briefly summarize the woman's problem. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.1

Briefly summarize the woman's problem. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1
In this present contemporary world, part of the society believes that middle age brings greater satisfaction, while, others feel that a young age brings more happiness. In my opinion, adult age is an important stage of life where people feel happier when they achieve their life goals. This essay will elucidate both views and provides an opinion. In the first place, a young age has several factors that bring happiness to one's life. Below are some of the factors that bring happiness. Firstly, student life with college days, friends & social life. Secondly, there are no major responsibilities and burdens that they should bother about. Last but not least, the outcomes of education, risk-taking attitude and out of box thinking gives them great joy for celebration. For instance, a survey conducted recently revealed that 75% of students want to enjoy the teenage rather than thinking for future life In the second place, the age at which the responsibilities bring happiness to living with inner satisfaction. Important factors that brings happiness to one's life at this juncture are, primarily, achievements like acquiring a job, choosing the life partner & Planning for a family. Secondarily, greater satisfaction comes when they are able to guide their children in the right direction. On top of that, they have every right to spend the money that they earned. For example, the happiness index measured in adults is found 40 percent higher when compared to teenage in one of the surveys conducted in China. In conclusion, Even though, teenage brings so much happiness to one's life. Adult age is the duration, where each individual will realize that real happiness lies in achieving goals and visions they have dreamt of.
In this present contemporary world, part of the society believes that middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
greater satisfaction, while, others feel that a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion, adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel happier when they achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals. This essay will elucidate both views and provides an opinion.

In the
first
place, a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has several factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Below are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Firstly
, student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with college days, friends & social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Secondly
, there are no major responsibilities and burdens that they should bother about. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the outcomes of education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taking attitude and out of box thinking gives them great joy for celebration.
For instance
, a survey conducted recently revealed that 75% of students want to enjoy the teenage
rather
than thinking for future
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


In the second place, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
at which the responsibilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to living with inner satisfaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at this juncture are,
primarily
, achievements like acquiring a job, choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
partner & Planning for a family.
Secondarily
, greater satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
when they are able to guide their children in the right direction.
On top of that
, they have every right to spend the money that they earned.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
index measured in adults
is found
40 percent higher when compared to teenage in one of the surveys conducted in China.

In conclusion
,
Even though
, teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is the duration, where each individual will realize that real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
lies in achieving goals and visions they have dreamt of.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Briefly summarize the woman's problem. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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