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Both poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Both poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 1
Nowadays, students are finding difficulties to get admission into universities after their school education, and it is challenging for all whether they are poor or rich by financial background. I completely agree with this notion and will discuss the reasons of this trend in the following paragraphs. Firstly, there are a number of reasons why learners fail to secure a place into higher educational institutes. The first and most important is the level of the entrance exam conducted by these schools, It is extremely hard and completely same for all students no matter where they come from. In other words, students need to pass the initial exam conducted by the tertiary educational schools and then only they will be qualified to continue their higher education. At this stage learner's earning does not play any role, all have to appear for the same exam and need to pass it. To exemplify, The IIT-JEE and the CAT exam in India are extremely difficult, these tests decide the teenager's future, whether they will get admissions into world's most reputed engineering colleges. Secondly, in this advanced world universities have already set their criteria for taking enrolments such as, some percentage marks should be secured by students in 10th standard or 12th standard. Moreover, they only take the application forms of those who has already fulfilled this cutoff score's criteria and this does not depend on anyone's financial situation. For example, there are many universities all over the world which only check the secondary and higher secondary standard's marks and based on this these colleges allow students to get in. In conclusion, there are several reasons why youngsters fail to get admission into universities besides of their background. I believe Initial exams taken care by institutues and some passing marks criteria are the main and most cr
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are finding difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
after their school education, and it is challenging for all whether they are poor or rich by financial background. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and will discuss the reasons of this trend in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, there are a number of reasons why learners fail to secure a place into higher educational institutes. The
first
and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is the level of the entrance exam conducted by these schools, It is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and completely same for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
no matter where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to pass the initial exam conducted by the tertiary educational schools and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they will
be qualified
to continue their higher education. At this stage learner's earning does not play any role, all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
appear for the same exam and need to pass it. To exemplify, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
IIT-JEE
and the CAT exam in India are
extremely
difficult, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
decide the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's future, whether they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admissions into world's most reputed engineering colleges.

Secondly
, in this advanced world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have already set their criteria for taking
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
such as,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percentage marks should
be secured
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in 10th standard or 12th standard.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take the application forms of those who has already fulfilled this cutoff score's criteria and this does not depend on anyone's financial situation.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
all over the world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the secondary and higher secondary standard's marks and based on this these colleges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in.

In conclusion
, there are several reasons why youngsters fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
besides
of their background. I believe Initial exams taken care by
Possible spelling mistake found.
institutues
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
passing marks criteria are the main and most
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cr
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Both poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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