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Both men and women are care more about their attention appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Both men and women are care more about their attention appearance today than they did in the past. 2aQpb
Modern women and men are supposed to pay more attention to their images than the previous ones. I concur with this statement due to some reasons presented below. First, appearance conceivably exerts a more significant influence on people's judgments. It is widely believed that clothes and images inform about habits and personalities. Without a shadow of a doubt, good-looking individuals are prone to be disposed others towards them. Particularly, in the modern world that communication skill is salient in almost every job, trustworthy-looking individuals, who can constitute reliable people, are more likely to offer their desirous positions. Second, the care about images also derives from appearance bias. Undeniably, some people tend to extol to the good-looking ones and ignore those who are not charming. Coupled with the ubiquity of the Internet, this reality is becoming more prevalent. For instance, when scrolling through social media, a normal-looking woman with acne sees her alluring colleague's selfie post, including profuse likes and comments, which can arouse a bit of jealousy among this viewer. In the long run, combining with the enviousness, the gradual cognizance of her appearance contributes to more attention to images. Ultimately, more devotion to appearance is engendered by the development of cosmetics. Previously, by virtue of the restriction of technology and the unpopularity of cosmetic brands, people had fewer chances to beautify themselves. In contrast, these days, compounded with the profusion of cosmetics, the advertisement also contributes to the ubiquity of products, which allow more individuals to purchase for usage. In conclusion, it is indispensable that men and women take more notice of their images, which may bring both merits and demerits.
Modern women and
men
are supposed
to pay more attention to their
images
than the previous ones. I concur with this statement due to
some
reasons presented below.
First
,
appearance
conceivably
exerts a more significant influence on
people
's judgments. It is
widely
believed that clothes and
images
inform about habits and personalities. Without a shadow of a doubt,
good
-looking individuals are prone to
be disposed
others towards them.
Particularly
, in the modern world that communication
skill
is salient in almost every job, trustworthy-looking individuals, who can constitute reliable
people
, are more likely to offer their desirous positions. Second, the care about
images
also
derives from
appearance
bias.
Undeniably
,
some
people
tend to extol to the
good
-looking ones and
ignore
those who are not charming. Coupled with the ubiquity of the Internet, this reality is becoming more prevalent.
For instance
, when scrolling through social media, a normal-looking woman with acne
sees
her alluring colleague's selfie post, including profuse likes and comments, which can arouse a bit of jealousy among this viewer. In the long run, combining with the enviousness, the gradual cognizance of her
appearance
contributes to more attention to
images
.
Ultimately
, more devotion to
appearance
is engendered
by the development of cosmetics. Previously, by virtue of the restriction of technology and the unpopularity of cosmetic brands,
people
had fewer chances to beautify themselves.
In contrast
, these days, compounded with the profusion of cosmetics, the advertisement
also
contributes to the ubiquity of products, which
allow
more individuals to
purchase
for usage.
In conclusion
, it is indispensable that
men
and women take more notice of their
images
, which may bring both merits and demerits.
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IELTS essay Both men and women are care more about their attention appearance today than they did in the past.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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