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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.Do you agree or disagree?

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. GMLYQ
As per the human psychology, money is necessary than everything. There is an argument that huge salary is preceding to job satisfaction. I strongly agree this point as the money is key driver factor the job in the modern world. Firstly, human needs money for meeting his/her family necessity. Due to the inflation rate, the people are struggling to meet their needs as well as their family needs like better education for their children, meeting daily expenses, savings for the retirement, insurance etc. Hence they would prefer more money than the job satisfaction. if they have high salary they are happy and which will definitely leads to the high productivity for the company.
As per the human psychology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
Use "(necessary)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
necessary
than everything. There is an argument that huge salary is preceding to job satisfaction. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this point as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is key driver factor the job in the modern world.
Firstly
, human needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for meeting his/her family necessity. Due to the inflation rate, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs
as well
as their family needs like better education for their children, meeting daily expenses, savings for the retirement, insurance etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they would prefer more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than the job satisfaction.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
they have high salary they are happy and which will definitely leads to the high productivity for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
113 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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