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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction 7kQ2
It is believed by some society members that the huge payment as a salary has much more importance than fullfilment of needs on employment. I totally disagree with this opinion. So on the next paragraphs of my essay I aim at explaining my choice with some clear examples. Initially, It shoul be mentioned that there are so many thins which have much more value than the amount of salary. Taking for one instance, the working environment plays more crucial role than high salary. The reason why people especially employers can increse the quality of work if they have satisfactory working atmosphere that fullfilled with all needs of workers. Additionally, I can say that having good teamwork is more preferable for me than workin in a place that include in people who think others as an opponent for them. Because It is quiete easier to wor in such kind of place. Taking into account some more reasons, I also believe that having high satisfaction for the work can attract more people compared to large amount of salary and this is also essential for employers. Because of saying that if workers satisfy from their job there will be no need to think about their salaries. Furthermore the jobs which offer high salary demands physically and mentally difficult activities to do. This may cause for loosing health on employees and responsibility on employers for the needs of staffs because in such kind of situation they may think paying large amount of money is enough for them. Coming to the conclusion, there is no denying on me for that job satisfaction plays key role on the improvement of any kind of work and this can offer employers profits that are more preferable than big salary.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
society members that the huge payment as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
has much more importance than
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfilment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
on employment. I
totally
disagree with this opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
on the
next
paragraphs of my essay I aim at explaining my choice with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
examples.

Initially
, It
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoul
be mentioned
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
thins which have much more value than the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. Taking for one instance, the working environment plays more crucial role than high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. The reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
increse
the quality of work if they have satisfactory working atmosphere that
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfilled
with all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of workers.
Additionally
, I can say that having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teamwork is more preferable for me than
Possible spelling mistake found.
workin
in a place that include in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
others as an opponent for them.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
quiete
easier to
Possible spelling mistake found.
wor
in such kind of place.

Taking into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more reasons, I
also
believe that having high satisfaction for the work can attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
compared to large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and this is
also
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of saying that if workers satisfy from their job there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
the jobs which offer high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
demands
physically
and mentally difficult activities to do. This may cause for loosing health on employees and responsibility on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of staffs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in such kind of situation they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
paying large amount of money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them.

Coming to the conclusion, there is no denying on me for that job satisfaction plays key role on the improvement of any kind of work and this can offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
profits that are more preferable than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
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IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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