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Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. v. 2
Many people in their various fields believe that big earnings are more important than job satisfaction. But in my own opinion, I will disagree with the statement. Firstly, what is the meaning of Job satisfaction? It is defined as the extent to which an employee feels self-motivated, content and satisfied with his or her career. Work contentment happens when an employee feels he or she is having job stability, career growth and a comfortable work life balance. With this little explanation of what it is to Satisfy at work, it shows that when a staff members experience job fulfilment it leads to inner peace at work which is the major thing that most staff's look for when applying for a job or moving from one appointment to another. Another salient point is that workers stay with the employer when they are satisfied with the system of company or with the task description other than with a big income. For example, I remember a friend of mine who got a new job at the Financial Institution. The earning is $2, 500. 00 and that is the best offer that he has ever come across and he was happy, but the problem arises when his boss is frustrating him and the organization process is not friendly. My friend had to move to another organization with a lesser salary and a good work environment. This shows that when employee's are not satisfied with the work environment they tend to move to another with a less pay. In addition, people will perform excellently in the roles given to them if there is an enabling environment that gives job delight. An employee, for example, who feel motivated will perform and deliver a good result than someone with a big remuneration that doesn't feel motivated. In conclusion, job satisfaction in my opinion is more paramount in any organization than a big salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their various fields believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
earnings are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, I will disagree with the statement.

Firstly
, what is the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
satisfaction? It
is defined
as the extent to which an employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
self-motivated, content and satisfied with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
contentment happens when an employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
he or she is having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stability, career growth and a comfortable
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance. With this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
explanation of what it is to Satisfy at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that when a staff members experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
it leads to inner peace at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which is the major thing that most
Use a plural noun after 'most' or use "staff members".
staff
's look for when applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or moving from one appointment to another.

Another salient point is that workers stay with the employer when they
are satisfied
with the system of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or with the task description other than with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
income.
For example
, I remember a friend of mine who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at the Financial Institution. The earning is $2, 500. 00 and
that is
the best offer that he has ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
across and
he was happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the problem arises when his boss is frustrating him and the organization process is not friendly. My friend had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another organization with a lesser salary and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that when
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
employee's
are not satisfied with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another with a less pay.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will perform
excellently
in the roles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them if there is an enabling environment that gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
delight. An employee,
for example
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
motivated will perform and deliver a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result than someone with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
remuneration that doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
motivated.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction in my opinion is more paramount in any organization than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
salary.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Big salary is more important than job satisfaction. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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