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Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. v.5

Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. v. 5
It is true that although the internet has facilitated us in many ways like gifting us a globalisation where this world is now being referred to as a small village but it is also true that it has created many problems too.   In this fast paced technologically high world where parents do not have enough time to look at the activities of their small kids because of their busy schedule, small children also have access to the internet easily. They are exposed to many things on the internet which are not suitable for them. They are learning many things which are not good for them to learn at their age. In addition to this, the internet has also created problems in the financial world also. Nowadays, people are being misguided in a way that many hackers, spammers, and digital fraud make people fool. For example, my friend is being made fool by one of the hackers on the internet. He has asked him to register with a website which can give assistance to go abroad and for registration he has to pay online. He has given his credit card number. His credit card number is being used by the hacker and he made a lot of transactions from his credit card number. Moreover, In addition to these disadvantages, the internet has also made people far away from each other. In today's world, people are not interacting with each other because they get too busy in their lives. Instead of meeting with each other personally, people prefer to get in touch with each other through internet only. All in all, we can say that everything has its own pros and cons and it totally depends on the user. Although the internet creates many problems but it has also benefitted us in many ways.
It is true that although the internet has facilitated us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways like gifting us a
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
where this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being referred
to as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
true that it has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems too.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced
technologically
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
where parents do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to look at the activities of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children
also
have access to the internet
easily
. They
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things on the internet which are not suitable for them. They are learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them to learn at their age.

In addition
to this, the internet has
also
created problems in the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
also
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being misguided
in a way that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hackers, spammers, and digital fraud
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fool.
For example
, my friend is
being made
fool by one of the hackers on the internet. He has asked him to register with a website which can give assistance to go abroad and for registration he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay online. He has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
his credit card number. His credit card number is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hacker and
he made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
transactions from his credit card number.

Moreover
,
In addition
to these disadvantages, the internet has
also
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
far away from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interacting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too busy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Instead
of meeting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
personally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
through internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

All in all, we can say that everything has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons and it
totally
depends on the user. Although the internet creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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