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Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. v.3

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. v. 3
There are strong arguments that the authority of the company must plan their actions towards the success of their business. However, some individuals are convinced that employees must participate in the strategy of a company. Primarily, it is often said that the authority of the company is the one who invested most of the fund in their company. Some of the chief executive officers have started from small scale business industries before they reach the highest success of their companies. In other words, they have a number of managerial experiences which they could apply to proliferate their income. Hence, they do not need the advice of the employees as they might have different skills on other fields, which are not suitable for deciding better actions in a company. For instance, a computer programmer who works in a private institution may not contribute to the decisions about financial management. Furthermore, the fundamental purpose of business owners is to recover their recover the capital they invested in their companies. To illustrate, in a supermarket, most goods being sold are important because the earnings will be used to supplement the products, which sustain the continuity of a business. However, it can never be denied that the employees are part of a company. It is their privilege to contribute to the success of a company due to the fact that they will benefit from its monetary gain. As an instance, the employer might increase their salary because they made the greatest contribution to the improvement of business. Hence, their collaboration will bring favourable benefits to them, which may strengthen the teamwork and collaboration. Moreover, it is apparent that more ideas are imperative to the management of a business. It is possible that the owner of the company could commit erroneous decisions, which may be corrected by some workers such as staffing and scheduling in an institution. To conclude, I personally believe that employees must partake to the plans of a company as the authority might sometimes create irrational actions. It is very likely that if the employer and the worker merge their ideas, they will receive a propitious success.
There are strong arguments that the authority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
plan their actions towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
are convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
participate in the strategy of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Primarily
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that the authority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is the one who invested most of the fund in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
chief executive officers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they reach the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
In other words
, they have a number of managerial experiences which they could apply to proliferate their income.
Hence
, they do not need the advice of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as they might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on other fields, which are not suitable for deciding better actions in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For instance
, a computer programmer who works in a private institution may not contribute to the decisions about financial management.
Furthermore
, the fundamental purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners is to recover their recover the capital they invested in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. To illustrate, in a supermarket, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
being sold
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the earnings will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to supplement the products, which sustain the continuity of a business.

However
, it can never
be denied
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. It is their privilege to contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
due to the fact that they will benefit from its monetary gain. As an instance, the employer might increase their salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they made the greatest contribution to the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Hence
, their collaboration will bring
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
benefits to them, which may strengthen the teamwork and collaboration.
Moreover
, it is apparent that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are imperative to the management of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It is possible that the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
could commit erroneous decisions, which may
be corrected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers such as staffing and scheduling in an institution.

To conclude
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
partake to the plans of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as the authority might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
create irrational actions. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that if the employer and the worker merge their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, they will receive a propitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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