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Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.4

Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. with this statement? v. 4
There are many arguments about the Internet. While some people say the Internet is beneficial, it also has many drawbacks. I partly agree with this opinion because I see think both sides are important and essential to argue. The online network has helped us in many fields of life, and I especially talk about education and business. In education, it assists us in finding information, gaining experience, and widen our knowledge. It also does teachers a favour in preparing good lessons and tests. Moreover, it is useful in business since we can have conferences by videos, emailing for work, projects, reports, etc. For example, a platform for products like SKYPE allows us to hold video conferences with anyone in the company who also has access. On the other hand, there are several reasons why the Internet also puts us at disadvantages. It harms our health, especially our eyes. When we look at the screen for a particular time, our eyes will become tired and less energetic. As a result, we can have short-sightedness, long-sightedness and even blind. It is more dangerous because people now tend to use technology more than before. Recent research of Hanoi Medical University showed the rate of people using computers has risen from 30. 5% in 2014 to 40% in 2015. From that, we can see how harmful computers have caused to us also the influence of laptop in our society. In conclusion, computers play a significant role in every area and we nearly cannot live without it. However, we need to be aware of the consequences of using computers and having good solutions to keep our eyes clear.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments about the Internet. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say the Internet is beneficial, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both sides are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and essential to argue.

The online network has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of life, and I
especially
talk about education and business. In education, it assists us in finding information, gaining experience, and widen our knowledge. It
also
does teachers a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
in preparing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lessons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.
Moreover
, it is useful in business since we can have conferences by videos, emailing for work, projects, reports, etc.
For example
, a platform for products like SKYPE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to hold video conferences with anyone in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
who
also
has access.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why the Internet
also
puts us at disadvantages. It harms our health,
especially
our eyes. When we look at the screen for a particular time, our eyes will become tired and less energetic.
As a result
, we can have
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
long-sightedness
and even blind. It is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Recent research of Hanoi Medical University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using computers has risen from 30. 5% in 2014 to 40% in 2015. From that, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how harmful computers have caused to us
also
the influence of laptop in our society.

In conclusion
, computers play a significant role in every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
area and
we
nearly
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it.
However
, we need to be aware of the consequences of using computers and having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our eyes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Besides a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. with this statement? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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