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Benefits of Physical education

Benefits of Physical education Qw81P
In recent years it has been observed that growing overweight population is causing lot of a burden on our healthcare system. Some people think that the key to solve this problem is to have more sports and exercise in schools. I completely agree that this is the best way to tackle the issue of the deteriorating public health. Firstly, the issue of obesity and weight problem can be solved by setting up routine and best way to do that is introducing sports and exercise in school curriculum. Currently school going kid spends average of two days per week on sports which is not very significant compared to their sedentary lifestyle. Making physical education as part of curriculum will make sure students are doing physical activities regularly which will definitely have a positive impact on their health in coming days. Along with having impact on physical health, benefits of sports and exercise on mental health are unparalleled. Endorphins generated during physical activities have significant effects on mental well-being, they keep pain and discomfort away. And what is better than sports to teach team spirit and never give up attitude. In a conclusion, to deal with increasing population of unfit and overweight people, changing the lifestyle of a coming generation by incorporating more physical education in a school is easy and most effective method.
In recent years it has
been observed
that growing overweight population is causing
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
a burden on our healthcare system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the key to solve this problem is to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is the best way to tackle the issue of the deteriorating public health.

Firstly
, the issue of obesity and weight problem can
be solved
by setting up routine and best way to do
that is
introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
going kid spends average of two days per week on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant compared to their sedentary lifestyle. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education as part of curriculum will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure students are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities
regularly
which will definitely have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their health in coming days.

Along with having impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health, benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise on mental health
are unparalleled
. Endorphins generated during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
significant


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
effects
on mental well-being, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pain and discomfort away. And what is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to teach team spirit and never give up attitude.

In a conclusion, to deal with increasing population of unfit and overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, changing the lifestyle of a coming generation by incorporating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is easy and most effective method.

IELTS essay Benefits of Physical education

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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