Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Being productive part of society is one of the important factors nowadays. So there is a debate that who has got huger responsibility, school or parents, for children to become sociable? To my mind, before being conclusion, both sides should be illustrated and some arguments will be given.

Being productive part of society is one of the important factors nowadays. So there is a debate that who has got huger responsibility, school or parents, for children to become sociable? To my mind, before being conclusion, both sides should be illustrated and some arguments will be given. BW5jV
Being productive part of society is one of the important factors nowadays. So there is a debate that who has got huger responsibility, school or parents, for children to become sociable? To my mind, before being conclusion, both sides should be illustrated and some arguments will be given. To begin with, parents’ duty concerning children’s upbringing is the most important among others and also they are considerably responsible for children how to behave in society. Because children spend their more time on home with members of their family, that is why, parents should act as «role model». Until reaching school age, children have already learnt many things that are indispensable part of life. Hence, parents have inevitable obligation on their shoulder. In addition, it is highly possible for children to involve in crime because of absence of parents’ carelessness. On the other hand, school has a contribution to children’s upbringing as well as education although it is educational place. Furthermore, schools possess key role when it comes to sociology. School is as a place for children to learn how to communicate with peers, and teachers. Thus, teachers are required to teach pupils sociology in more formal way. There is an opportunity to integrate both, sociology and education, for pupil to be perfect. Otherwise, because of the lack of either, anti-social grooups may attract adults or teenagers to commit different crimes against community. In conclusion, as far as both sides are taken into consideration, they are heavily reliant on each other and provide a stake in developing social relationship.
Being productive part of society is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is a debate that who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
huger responsibility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become sociable? To my mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being conclusion, both sides should
be illustrated
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
duty concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
upbringing is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
among others and
also
they are
considerably
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to behave in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their more time on home with members of their family,
that is
why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should act as «role model». Until reaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have already
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that are indispensable part of life.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have inevitable obligation on their shoulder.
In addition
, it is
highly
possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to involve in crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
carelessness.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has a contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
upbringing
as well
as education although it is educational place.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
possess key role when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to sociology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is as a place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to communicate with peers, and teachers.
Thus
, teachers
are required
to teach pupils sociology in more formal way. There is an opportunity to integrate both, sociology and education, for pupil to be perfect.
Otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of either, anti-social
Possible spelling mistake found.
grooups
may attract adults or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
crimes against community.

In conclusion
, as far as both sides
are taken
into consideration, they are
heavily
reliant on each other and provide a stake in developing social relationship.

IELTS essay Being productive part of society is one of the important factors nowadays. So there is a debate that who has got huger responsibility, school or parents, for children to become sociable? To my mind, before being conclusion, both sides should be illustrated and some arguments will be given.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Being productive part of society is one of the important factors nowadays. So there is a debate that who has got huger responsibility, school or parents, for children to become sociable? To my mind, before being conclusion, both sides should be illustrated and some arguments will be given.