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Being creative, or careful planning which one will lead to a best solution for a problem, explain details or examples for the same. v.1

Being creative, or careful planning which one will lead to a best solution for a problem, explain details or examples for the same. v. 1
In the present days, everyone prefers to live in a big city as all the facilities are readily available there. Currently a debate is going on between two groups of people where one group is saying that living in a big city is getting difficult day by day and the other group believes the opposite. I agree with the first group and this essay will discuss both sides of the view in detail. In present times development has touched even the remote areas of the village and it can now hardly be called a village. Moreover, cities are getting bigger as time passes in order to facilitate a growing number of people who are coming to live in the cities. As more and more person is coming to live, officials are taking big plans to increase and improve the facilities provided by the city. For example, more schools, colleges, universities, hospitals, libraries are built to accommodate large number of people. Because of all the improved facilities it is getting easier to live in the big city. On the contrary, as the number of people are increasing continuously, the big cities are getting very crowded. As a result, some problems are created to accommodate this huge population. The traffic jam is one of the main issues big cities are facing today. Some big capital cities have failed to solve the problem and as a result, they even moved their capital to another location. In addition, crime rate tends to increase as well in a big city. A recent survey has shown that the crime rate is ten percent higher in big cities than small town. To sum up, there are some positives and negatives to live in a big city and in my personal opinion, although there are some problems which are present in a big city, I think the facilities we get outweighs the disadvantages.
In the present days, everyone prefers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city as all the facilities are
readily
available there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
a debate is going on between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is saying that living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city is getting difficult day by day and the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
believes the opposite. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and this essay will discuss both sides of the view in detail.

In present times development has touched even the remote areas of the village and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
hardly
be called
a village.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are getting bigger
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
time passes in order to facilitate a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are coming to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. As more and more person is coming to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, officials are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
plans to increase and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the facilities provided by the city.
For example
, more schools, colleges, universities, hospitals, libraries
are built
to accommodate large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
facilities it is getting easier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city.

On the contrary
, as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing
continuously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crowded.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems
are created
to accommodate this huge population. The traffic jam is one of the main issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have failed to solve the problem and
as a result
, they even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
their capital to another location.
In addition
, crime rate tends to increase
as well
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city. A recent survey has shown that the crime rate is ten percent higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positives and negatives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city and in my personal opinion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems which are present in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
city, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the facilities we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
outweighs the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Being creative, or careful planning which one will lead to a best solution for a problem, explain details or examples for the same. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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