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Being a personal shopper is a good career choice for fresh graduates.

Being a personal shopper is a good career choice for fresh graduates. oRbKD
Finding a good job is an important point for graduates, especially the fresh graduates; because a good job like being a personal shopper can lead people to get success easier. In my opinion, being a personal shopper is a nice job for newcomers because of two convincing reasons which are high paying wages and the improvement of aesthetics sensibilities. First of all, being a personal shopper can get higher wages. As we all know, the salary of shoppers is calculated on the basis of turnovers. They get a commission for every product they sell, so getting high wages is not difficult, especially when they work in a luxury brand. Furthermore, personal shoppers usually work for rich people, once they get a lovely costume matching they may tip a lot. Not only that, being a personal shopper is also a good chance to meet famous people. To sum up, a personal shopper is an easy to make money job. Secondly, being a personal shopper can improve the aesthetic. Personal shoppers have to be obsessed with fashion, clothes and staying ahead of the trends. Not only that, it also needs to enjoy working with different types of people, which means personal shoppers have to consider the different needs of different people. Such as some people like cute while someone likes cool. It is really about being able to make other people happy. Thus, being a personal shopper is a good chance to consider different types of beauty. In conclusion, a personalpersonal shopper is a high paying job that is a good job for graduates to earn more money and increase aesthetic value.
Finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point for graduates,
especially
the fresh graduates;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
like being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success easier. In my opinion, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
is a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for newcomers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two convincing reasons which are high paying wages and the improvement of aesthetics sensibilities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher wages. As we all know, the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
is calculated
on the basis of turnovers. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a commission for every product they sell,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
getting high wages is not difficult,
especially
when they work in a luxury brand.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
usually
work for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lovely costume matching they may tip a lot. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To sum up, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
is an easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money job.

Secondly
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the aesthetic.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be obsessed
with fashion, clothes and staying ahead of the trends. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, it
also
needs to enjoy working with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like cute while someone likes cool. It is
really
about being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy.
Thus
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
chance to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of beauty.

In conclusion
, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
personalpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
is a high paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for graduates to earn more money and increase aesthetic value.
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IELTS essay Being a personal shopper is a good career choice for fresh graduates.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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