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Being a celebrity such as a famous star or sports personality being problem or

Everyone dreams to be famous and become a celebrity. It comes with a price and the price is your privacy l. Firstly, I will discuss the advantages of being a celebrity. Afterwards, I will talk about disadvantages if you are a star. There is so much of population but not everyone is renowned. If you are a star. It is a big thing. People respect you and idealised you. People star follow you, companies wants you to sale their products l. If you are a celebrity you got chance to visit the world. For instance movies star shoots their movies all over the world. Unfortunately, if you are star, you had no privacy. Where ever you go media and your followers will follow you. Star had power as people believes on them consequently, it being a big responsibility on celebrity. There are several example where a statement from celebrity cost the environment of the country good or bad. It’s hard to spend time alone as celebrity. If star go far away from lime light their career would be over.
Everyone dreams to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price and the price is your privacy l.
Firstly
, I will discuss the advantages of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. Afterwards, I will talk about disadvantages if you are a star. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone
is renowned
. If you are a star. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
thing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
respect you and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘idealised’ is British English.
idealised
you.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
star follow you,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
wants you to sale their products l. If you are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chance to visit the world.
For instance
movies star shoots their movies all over the world. Unfortunately, if you are star, you had no privacy. Where ever you go media and your followers will follow you. Star had power as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
believes
on them
consequently
, it being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun example seems to be countable; consider using: “several examples”.
several example
where a statement from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
cost the environment of the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to spend time alone as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
star go far away from
This word is usually spelt together: “limelight”.
lime light
their career would be over.
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Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Being a celebrity such as a famous star or sports personality being problem or

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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