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Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

These days, plethora of personal are career oriented. In many countries, the count of men is higher than women, who are on highly designated positions, even though half percentage of employees are females. According to some scholars, there should be reserve places for the women worker on these positions. In this write up, I will support this opinion with relevant examples. Firstly, women have better organization and time management skills than males. In past time, majority of ladies were housewives thought this count is still high. They do multiple things simultaneously, which means they know how to do multitasking in limited time in their daily routine. For instance, 2019 survey of CBC proves that 85% of females are better in management while this count is less than half of this percentage of males. Another reason is that females are excellent in studies than men. Most of the girls have the virtue of hard work, devotion, dedication and focused their goals. Consequentially, they spent most of their time in studies and get good grades in exams. Therefore, this kind of intelligent workforce can lead the company development. For example, the last 10 years survey of Concordia University depicts that the number of females is higher than men who pass their degree/diploma with distinction. Last but not the least, gender equality must always be there in all aspect of society. Since the majority of women are coming in all field and doing better than males, they deserve to work in highly designated positions. There should not be discrimination based on genders. To put in a nutshell, I pen down saying that in men dominating society, women hard work devotion, experience, intelligence, education and skills should not be neglected.
These days, plethora of personal are career oriented. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, who are on
highly
designated positions,
even though
half percentage of employees are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars, there should be reserve places for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
worker on these positions. In this
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
write up
, I will support this opinion with relevant examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have better organization and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
than males. In past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
ladies were housewives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
this count is
still
high. They do multiple things
simultaneously
, which means they know how to do multitasking in limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their daily routine.
For instance
, 2019 survey of CBC proves that 85% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are better in management while this count is less than half of this percentage of males.

Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are excellent in studies than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Most of the girls have the virtue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, devotion, dedication and focused their goals.
Consequentially
, they spent most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in exams.
Therefore
, this kind of intelligent workforce can lead the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
development.
For example
, the last 10 years survey of Concordia University depicts that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
is higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who pass their degree/diploma with distinction.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, gender equality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
always be there in all aspect of society. Since the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are coming in all field and doing better than males, they deserve to work in
highly
designated positions. There should not be discrimination based on genders.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down saying that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
dominating society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work devotion, experience, intelligence, education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should not
be neglected
.

IELTS essay Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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