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Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities，the government encourages business move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a phenomenon that government encourages enterprises to move to the countryside due to traffic congestion and housing shortage in the cities. From my perspective, it will bring more benefits than problems. It is undoubted that there are some incovenient problems for companies to move to undeveloped region. First of all, the time and cost of transporting goods becomes more than past because there transport network are not as advanced as thoes in cities. Trucks have to be used instead of fast air transportation. Secondly, companies in rural area have to pay more for their staff. There are poor infrastructure, such as the lack of supermarkets and entertainment facilities, which means people are more likely to work in cities for same salary. However, compared with these added costs, the saving on land leases or purchases far outweigh them. Based with the above analysis, there are more advantages to move companies to rural areas. The most important advantage is that the local economic development is driven by the large number of people brought by enterprises. A large number of commodities flowed into the region as demand increased, so the government collected more taxes from the increased trade to improve infrastructure and attract more people. In this way the region will be better off. In addition, higher salary and lower living cost reduce the life pressure of employees and make it easier for them to live a happy life. At the same time, they can save more resources to improve myself and get better career development. In conclusion, although relocation to less developed areas may affect the production cost of enterprises, it has great benefits for both regional development and employee development.
There is a phenomenon that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encourages enterprises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the countryside due to traffic congestion and housing shortage in the cities. From my perspective, it will bring more benefits than problems.

It
is undoubted
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
incovenient
problems for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to undeveloped region.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of transporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
becomes more than past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there transport network are not as advanced as
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoes
in cities. Trucks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
air transportation.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in rural area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more for their staff. There are poor infrastructure, such as the lack of supermarkets and entertainment facilities, which means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to work in cities for same salary.
However
, compared with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
, the saving on land leases or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
far outweigh them.

Based with the above analysis, there are more advantages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to rural areas. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage is that the local economic development
is driven
by the large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
brought by enterprises.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
A large number of
commodities flowed into the region as demand increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
collected more taxes from the increased trade to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
infrastructure and attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this way the region will be better off.
In addition
, higher salary and lower living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the life pressure of employees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life. At the same time, they can save more resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
myself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better career development.

In conclusion
, although relocation to less developed areas may affect the production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of enterprises, it has great benefits for both regional development and employee development.

IELTS essay Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities，the government encourages business move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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