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because of their significant financial ability will be able to use update advertising in order to sell their goods. Given the fact that small and local

because of their significant financial ability will be able to use update advertising in order to sell their goods. Given the fact that small and local 0Erjl
Firstly, our contemporary world has profoundly changed in comparison to the past. For example, a great number of products have been produced in different modern methods by enormous factories and industries. Furthermore, corporations because of their significant financial ability will be able to use update advertising in order to sell their goods. Given the fact that small and local workshops are deprived of large investments in comparison to great companies, they are not capable of exposing their organically grown products to people, especially living in mega cities. As a result, regional companies are on the verge of collapsed in recent years. Secondly, generally, locally produced goods enjoyed significant importance among individuals whether urban or rural dwellers in the past since those were part of their basic necessities, but nowadays almost all products people need are being manufactured in major corporations and factories regardless of their unacceptable outcomes and their adverse effects on local businesses. On the one hand, there are several solutions to tackle this problem, two of which include effective action which should be taken by governments. In addition, a strong advertisement that local businesses must be taken into account. Firstly, governments have a big responsibility for renovating local workshops producing various products, including both organic food staff such as milk, butter, etc. and traditional items such as costumes and handicraft. In other words, the government must dedicate some budget to thrive local industries. For instance, they can improve the goods transportation system to provide easy access to local products. Furthermore, governments will be able to replace a modern machine instead of old and outdated ones. Secondly, local business owners should try their best to advertise their products through modern types of announcements such as TV commercials, radio programmes, billboard, and promotional messages. In conclusion, enormous companies dedicate a large amount of money to advertise their products, which contributes to a strong tendency for people to purchase their goods. I personally believe that the financial power of big businesses and producing almost all products by up-to-date factories cause local corporations to collapse little by little. Accordingly, to deter this problem, there are some solutions.
Firstly
, our contemporary world has
profoundly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in comparison
to the past.
For example
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have
been produced
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modern methods by enormous factories and industries.
Furthermore
, corporations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their significant financial ability will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
update advertising in order to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
workshops
are deprived
of large investments
in comparison
to great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, they are not capable of exposing their
organically
grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
living in mega cities.
As a result
, regional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are on the verge of collapsed in recent years.
Secondly
,
generally
,
locally
produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
enjoyed significant importance among individuals whether urban or rural dwellers in the past since those were part of their
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need are
being manufactured
in major corporations and factories regardless of their unacceptable outcomes and their adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses.

On the one hand, there are several solutions to tackle this problem, two of which include effective action which should
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
In addition
, a strong advertisement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility for renovating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
workshops producing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, including both organic food staff such as milk, butter, etc. and traditional items such as costumes and handicraft.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
dedicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
budget to thrive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
industries.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "goods'" or "good's"?
goods
transportation system to provide easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will be able to replace a modern machine
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and outdated ones.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business owners should try their best to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through modern types of announcements such as TV commercials, radio
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, billboard, and promotional messages.

In conclusion
, enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
dedicate a large amount of money to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which contributes to a strong tendency for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. I
personally
believe that the financial power of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
businesses and producing almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by up-to-date factories cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
corporations to collapse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
.
Accordingly
, to deter this problem, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.
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IELTS essay because of their significant financial ability will be able to use update advertising in order to sell their goods. Given the fact that small and local

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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