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At present, improvements in science and technology

At present, improvements in science and technology JwaPj
At present, improvements in science and technology have great impacted on the modern world, but art is still conserving its importance. Since art is one of the most creative activity which has been coming from archaic ages of the humankind. From prehistoric times some of the discoveries were milestone for mankind and those changed the history of us. For instance, discoverey of fire, creatin tools are sample of the vital turning points in history. Moreover, art began since those times because self-expression based on cognitive capabilities, for this reason art is related to our essential beings. Hence, we still need to aethetic and creativity in this technology and the information era. From my perspective art and science must not seperated each other because they depend on the same nature. To illustrate in today’s without the imagination science should not work well and lack of knowledge and technical development art wont be enough perfect. Although they seem unrelated from one point of view, clearly art and science share the same nature, which are enormous impact on our civilization. In addition, art allows us to self-expressions and it give rises to think about human nature itselfs. Without doubt these abilities are tresure for us as thinking animals. And aesthetic and imagination encourge the all around the people without where they lived in. So in my opinion art is universal value and it can not seperated from us. In conclusion, art can not seperated from humankind like science. In spite of fact that art and science have been seem very different areas both of them share the same nature which stem from human consciousness
At present, improvements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology have great impacted on the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
still
conserving its importance.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is one of the most creative activity which has been coming from archaic ages of the humankind.

From prehistoric times
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
discoveries were milestone for mankind and those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the history of us.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
discoverey
of fire,
Possible spelling mistake found.
creatin
tools are sample of the vital turning points in history.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
began since those times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
self-expression based on cognitive capabilities,
for this reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is related
to our essential beings.
Hence
, we
still
need to
Possible spelling mistake found.
aethetic
and creativity in this technology and the information era. From my perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperated
each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they depend on the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. To illustrate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s without the imagination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
should not work well and lack of knowledge and technical development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
perfect.

Although they seem unrelated from one point of view,
clearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
share the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, which are enormous impact on our civilization.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to self-expressions and it
Did you mean "gives"?
give
rises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
Possible spelling mistake found.
itselfs
. Without doubt these abilities are
Possible spelling mistake found.
tresure
for us as thinking animals. And aesthetic and imagination
Possible spelling mistake found.
encourge
the all around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is universal value and it can not
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperated
from us.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can not
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperated
from humankind like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
have been
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas both of them share the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
which stem from human
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
consciousness
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IELTS essay At present, improvements in science and technology

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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