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Because of the pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sports or physical education (PE) form the curriculum. How important are sports or PE in a young person’s education? Should PE or sports be taken out of the curriculum?

Because of the pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sports or physical education (PE) form the curriculum. How important are sports or PE in a young person’s education? Should PE or sports be taken out of the curriculum? OkYE
With the advent of technology, sports are given the least priority in several educational institutions. Some schools take away physical education to give way to new subject matters such as business studies. However, I believe that physical education provides beneficial effects to students. To begin with, the lifestyle of today’s generation has changed dramatically. Younger people nowadays are often too fixated on latest innovations, leading to limited physical efforts. Consequently, this lifestyle caused lack of exercise and unbalanced diet. The number of overweight children are increasing rapidly and many youngsters are now diagnosed with lifestyle-induced diseases like diabetes and hypertension. That is why physical education plays an important role in a learner’s life. This subject helps the students to become physically fit and encourages them to become more productive. Furthermore, sport education aids in enhancing the social skills and teamwork among younger individuals. These characteristics are essential in their professional life, in which social abilities is a key factor in employment qualification. In addition, it supports the mental development of a child such as critical thinking and decision making abilities. Physical education also help the students in choosing their career paths. For example, juveniles who love basketball could become professional players. Sports, together with other academic subjects, mold the younger generation’s future and are all equally salient to be taught in schools. To sum it up, physical education aid in the development of physical, social and mental skills of students. Moreover, it promotes healthy lifestyle and might possibly curb the trend of illnesses brought by unhealthy habits.
With the advent of technology, sports are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the least priority in several educational institutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
schools take away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to give way to new subject matters such as business studies.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides beneficial effects to students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. Younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
too fixated on latest innovations, leading to limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
efforts.
Consequently
, this lifestyle caused lack of exercise and unbalanced diet. The number of overweight children
Did you mean "is"?
are
increasing
rapidly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
diagnosed with lifestyle-induced diseases like diabetes and hypertension.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a learner’s life. This subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the students to become
physically
fit and encourages them to become more productive.

Furthermore
, sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aids in enhancing the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and teamwork among younger individuals. These characteristics are essential in their professional life, in which social abilities is a key factor in employment qualification.
In addition
, it supports the mental development of a child such as critical thinking and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
abilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the students in choosing their career paths.
For example
, juveniles who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
basketball could become professional players. Sports, together with other academic subjects, mold the younger generation’s future and are all
equally
salient to
be taught
in schools.

To sum it up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aid in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
, social and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of students.
Moreover
, it promotes healthy lifestyle and might
possibly
curb the trend of illnesses brought by unhealthy habits.
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IELTS essay Because of the pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sports or physical education (PE) form the curriculum. How important are sports or PE in a young person’s education? Should PE or sports be taken out of the curriculum?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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