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Because of pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sport or physical education from the curriculum. How important is sport or PE in a young person’s education?

Because of pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sport or physical education from the curriculum. How important is sport or PE in a young person’s education? aK1V
In human, health is an important factor, thus mental health as well as physical health requires to live long. Nowadays, lots of new subjects are added in academic curriculum and that’s the reason many schools have removed sport lecture from their academic schedule. I will discuss the importance of physical education in young one’s education. On the one hand, technical advancement booming nowadays, due to that reason everyone needs basic technical knowledge. In brief, schools and universities have to add new subjects with traditional subjects and to do that they need to do some setting in the structure of curriculum as well as sometimes they have to remove some subjects to add new subjects and because of that reason many schools remove sport lecture from student’s academic. To exemplify, usually universities remove physical education subject to add new subjects like Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning in their curriculum due to the requirement. On the other hand, from the past few years of analysis by the researchers shows that students give less time on physical health due to the pressure of new subjects. Students usually get much amount of time to prepare for their exams and because of that reason they might spent less amount of time for sports activity. As an example, university students get six months of time to prepare for their whole semester also they have to prepare for 8 subjects in detail so that they did not get time for exercise and physical health. In conclusion, very less students get time to maintain their physical health. Because of technical advancement it is very hard to manage studies with sports activities.
In human,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor,
thus
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
requires to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long. Nowadays, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in academic curriculum and that’s the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have removed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lecture from their academic schedule. I will discuss the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in young one’s education.

On the one hand, technical advancement booming nowadays, due to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
everyone needs basic technical knowledge.
In brief
, schools and universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
with traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and to do that they need to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
setting in the structure of curriculum
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lecture from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
academic. To exemplify,
usually
universities remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning in their curriculum due to the requirement.

On the other hand
, from the past few years of analysis by the researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
give less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
due to the pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to prepare for their exams and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
they might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
less amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity. As an example, university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
six months of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to prepare for their whole semester
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare for 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun students is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of technical advancement it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage studies with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.
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IELTS essay Because of pressure of new subjects such as business studies, many schools have dropped sport or physical education from the curriculum. How important is sport or PE in a young person’s education?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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