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Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v.2

Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v. 2 27pw
Children nourishing is more important for child future. Some people deem that women is good for upbringing children insted of doing job. It seems to me above sentence are totally wrong in my opinion. I will explain my view in this below paragraphs. To begin with, women and men are both equally responsible for child growing. As per says many people women have natural sence of nourishing child, men also have some quality and emotions to their child growth. For example, children can learn gender equility from their guardians. Secondly, nowadays, women are everywhere in the world on the top positions of companies. Women should not be pressure for their child nourishment. To illustrate, many companies now depending on women, moreover if they leave their job or bussines companies economic situation are disturb. Thirdly, many popular personalities also grow their child as parents by helping each others. It is true that, women can better in upbringing child because they know about their child emotions and many daughters can explain their situation with mother. Despite that, women should also focus on their dream jobs. To conclude, guardiance can better take care of their child equally. And they both responsible for children bright future. However, children will learn from their parents which is good or bad things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nourishing is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
insted
of doing job. It seems to me above sentence are
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in my opinion. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my view in this below paragraphs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are both
equally
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
growing. As per says
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
sence
of nourishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality and emotions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
growth.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn gender
Possible spelling mistake found.
equility
from their guardians.
Secondly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are everywhere in the world on the top positions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
should not be pressure for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
nourishment. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
moreover
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job or
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
economic situation are
Consider using a past participle here: "disturbed".
disturb
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular personalities
also
grow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as parents by helping each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
. It is true that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can better in upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
emotions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
daughters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
their situation with mother. Despite that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
also
focus on their dream jobs.
To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
guardiance
can better take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
equally
. And they both responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
bright future.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn from their parents which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.
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IELTS essay Women are better in child care than men. Therefore, they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. Do you agree with this or not. v. 2

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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