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Bar chart description - female school leavers going into higher education

Bar chart description - female school leavers going into higher education pagG3
This chart shows information on the percentage of female students going into higher education after school in five different countries of the world in the years 1980 and 2015. By looking at the chart, it is visible how the numbers changed over the span of 35 years. First of all, in the United Kingdom, the percentage of women in higher education increased by around 20%. In 1980, only a bit more than a third of female school-leavers went to universities, whereas by 2015, that number increased to a little over 50%. In the United States, there is a similar situation, with the same amount of increase, only there, it rose from around 40% to around 60%, which is also the highest amount in any country displayed. In Australia, the numbers are the highest in average, with no movement between the years, so the same amount of women pursued education in 1980, as they did in 2015, and that number stagnates at almost 60%, so in Australia the vast majority of women go to college or university, in comparison to South Korea, where the numbers are the lowest in both years. Less than a fifth of women went into higher education in 1980, and in 2015 that number only went up to just under a third. And finally, in France, there is only a small difference in numbers, with exactly half of women going to universities in 1980, and about 55% in 2015. In conclusion, the rate of female school-leavers going into higher education nowadays is quite high in the United Kingdom, the States and in Australia. These same numbers are and have been for the past 35 years the lowest in South Korea.
This chart
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shows
information on the percentage of female students going into higher
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education
after school in five
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different
countries of the world in the years 1980 and 2015. By looking at the chart, it is visible how the
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numbers
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changed
over the span of 35 years.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the United Kingdom, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in higher
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education
increased by around 20%. In 1980,
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only
a bit more than a third of female school-leavers went to universities, whereas by 2015, that
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number
increased to a
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little
over 50%. In the United States, there is a similar situation, with the same amount of increase,
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only
there, it rose from around 40% to around 60%, which is
also
the highest amount in any country displayed.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Australia, the
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numbers
are the highest in average, with no movement between the years,
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so
the same amount of
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women
pursued
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education
in 1980, as they did in 2015, and that
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number
stagnates at almost 60%,
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so
in Australia the vast majority of
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women
go to college or university,
in comparison
to South Korea, where the
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numbers
are the lowest in both years. Less than a fifth of
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women
went into higher
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education
in 1980, and in 2015 that
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number
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only
went up to
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just
under a third. And
finally
, in France, there is
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only
a
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small
difference in
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numbers
, with exactly half of
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women
going to universities in 1980, and about 55% in 2015.

In conclusion
, the rate of female school-leavers going into higher
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education
nowadays is quite high in the United Kingdom, the States and in Australia. These same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
are and have been for the past 35 years the lowest in South Korea.
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IELTS essay Bar chart description - female school leavers going into higher education

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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