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attending teenagers in the part-time job is good or not

attending teenagers in the part-time job is good or not w1nN
There is no shortage of debate about whether attending teenagers in the part-time job is good or not and whether this work can help them or not. I agree with this statement, and I believe taking a part-time job for teenagers can prepare them for adult life. First, participation in a part-time job can help teenagers to improve their communication. Making their sociability better can help them hire in prestigious companies as adults because they learn how to talk and behave with customers. Because customers usually pay attention to respect and it is an important point for them. For example, one of my friends took a part-time job and was a teaching assistant during her student life. She learned how should behave with students and practiced teaching students. Actually, she has been ready to be a great professor. She immediately became an assistant professor in a high-ranked university after she took her Ph. D. degree. Second, take a part-time job is necessary to learn how to plan their time for teenagers. Because their time limits and they should do several works together. They can plan for their time to study their school lessons, do homework, and do a part-time job. Also, teenagers should sleep soon because deep sleep has a good effect on their minds. So, they can manage everything during the day. I compare two of my cousins to understand this subject better. Both of them were teenagers and high school students. But one of them worked in a café, and another didn't work anywhere. It may be seen who didn't should be more successful than who worked. But he went to a café, earned money, and plan to study his high school lessons. In the end, he got higher marks than those who didn't work because he didn’t plan. To sum up, I approve of the statement that says it is helpful for teenagers that their parents encourage them to take a part-time job. That is because it helps they can enhance their sociability and plan their time.
There is no shortage of debate about whether attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in the part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not and whether this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them or not. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, and I believe taking a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can prepare them for adult life.

First
, participation in a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication. Making their sociability better can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them hire in prestigious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they learn how to talk and behave with customers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
customers
usually
pay attention to respect and it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point for them.
For example
, one of my friends took a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and was a teaching assistant during her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life. She learned how should behave with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and practiced teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Actually, she has been ready to be a great professor. She immediately became an assistant professor in a high-ranked university after she took her
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "Ph.D.".
Ph. D.
degree.

Second, take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is necessary to learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
limits and
they should do several works together. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study their school lessons, do homework, and do a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
deep sleep has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect on their minds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can manage everything during the day. I compare two of my cousins to understand this subject better. Both of them were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
one of them worked in a café, and another didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
anywhere. It may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
who didn't should be more successful than who worked.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
he went to a café, earned money, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
to study his high school lessons. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher marks than those who didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he didn’t plan.

To sum up, I approve of the statement that says it is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
that their parents encourage them to take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
they can enhance their sociability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay attending teenagers in the part-time job is good or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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