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At university or colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and should receive equal financial support. v.1

At university or colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and should receive equal financial support. v. 1
Having proper activities for leisure times have an important role in happiness of life. If people spend their free times in activities that bring energy and charge them foe life they will be successful in life. A lot of people have the opportunity to go to university or colleges and period of attending in these academic places could be good memory for them if they spend their free times in other activities such as sport or social activities. So I believe that university or colleges should support sports and social activities for two important reasons. The main reason is that students need to recover their energy and have relax time during their studies. If students attend in a condition that they have fun and also can do social activities the study would be bearable. For example I remember that during my university studies I was a member of mountain climbing group and every week we had a trip to a mountain near the university because of existence of various beautiful mountains surrounding the university. This weekly program was my motivation to spend the hard works studying and doing projects. Because thinking about weekend which I have plan to go to nature gave me energy to do my duties. As you can see side activities in university have positive effects on student efficiencies. The second reason is that even though university or colleges are places for study and research, they are also small societies which need sports and social activities. Without these activities university will fail to introduce graduated people which are able to create a developed society. For instance, I read in paper about the effects of universities on culture of cities. Based on this article the cities that have big university also have energetic and active environment if the students of the university be active. Introducing active and energetic students to society need universities spend money on activities that make students happy and gives them energy. In conclusion I believe that sports and social activities should receive financial supports from university because it gives energy to students and make them active in society. Finally I think attending of students in sports and social activities should have be mandatory for them because a lot of students don' t know the effects of them on their life.
Having proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in happiness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and charge them foe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they will be successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opportunity to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or colleges and period of attending in these academic places could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memory for them if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or colleges should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons.

The main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to recover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and have
Use past participle here: "relaxed".
relax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attend in a condition that they have fun and
also
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
would be bearable. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, I".
example I
remember that during my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
I was a member of mountain climbing group and every week we had a trip to a mountain near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of existence of various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
mountains surrounding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This weekly program was my motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works studying and doing projects.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
thinking about weekend which I have plan to go to nature gave me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to do my duties.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
efficiencies.

The second reason is that
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or colleges are places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and research, they are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
which need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Without these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "activities'" or "activity's"?
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will fail to introduce graduated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which are able to create a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, I read in paper about the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
on culture of cities. Based on this article the cities that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
also
have energetic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
environment if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
. Introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
and energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
happy and gives them energy.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should receive financial supports from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
attending of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should have
Use past participle here: "been".
be
mandatory for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t know the effects of them on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
73Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay At university or colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and should receive equal financial support. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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