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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

There is some notions about a benefit and a drawback of a country having a very large number of young people. despite the immense numbers of youth leads to an unwise society, I agree that it will increase the productivity of the nation's economy. It is obvious that, the longer human live the more it will gain knowledges from their experience in life, thus the younger people tend to have an immense spirit but lack of experience that can lead them to take unwise decissions. For example, Indonesia and India as the nations with most of its population are youth, has face the several violenced demonstration in the couple of decades mobilized by the youngers. while in Japan with the highest population of elders, the anarchies were rarely to be happened. it implies on a common perception where more elderly people will leads to a wiser society. The increasing numbers of youth usually called as the demographic bonus, where the number of productive population is higher than the unproductive ones. it means that the unproductives will be supported by the productives both in logistic and safety. For example, Japan was received the demographic bonus in 1930 - 1940, it is immidiately lift up japan as the leading economy in Asia because most of its citizens are in productive phase. it implies on the availability of human resources that can support the backbones of nations economy. In conclusion, The nation economy will received huge merit from the presence of high youth population in the countries. However, it can leads to several phenomenon of unwise action motorized by the youth. Where possible, the economic wellfare of the youth should become the priority.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notions about a benefit and a drawback of a country having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
despite
the immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
leads to an unwise society, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it will increase the productivity of the nation's economy.

It is obvious that, the longer human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the more it will gain
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
from their experience in life,
thus
the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to have an immense spirit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack of experience that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
them to take unwise
Possible spelling mistake found.
decissions
.
For example
, Indonesia and India as the nations with most of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
, has
Use past participle here: “faced”.
face
the several
Possible spelling mistake found.
violenced
demonstration in the couple of decades mobilized by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
while
in Japan with the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of elders, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
anarchies
were rarely to
be happened
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
it
implies on a common perception where more elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will leads to a wiser society.

The increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
usually
called as the demographic bonus, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is higher than the unproductive ones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
it
means that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unproductives
will
be supported
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
productives
both in logistic and safety.
For example
, Japan
was received
the demographic bonus in
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
1930 - 1940
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
immidiately
This phrase is redundant. Consider using “lift”.
lift up
This noun needs to be capitalized if you mean the country “Japan”.
japan
as the leading economy in Asia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of its citizens are in productive phase.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
it
implies on the availability of human resources that can support the backbones of nations economy.

In conclusion
, The nation economy will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
received
huge merit from the presence of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in the countries.
However
, it can
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
leads
to
Possible agreement error. The noun phenomenon seems to be countable; consider using: “several phenomena”, “several phenomenons”.
several phenomenon
of unwise action motorized by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
. Where possible, the economic
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellfare
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
should become the priority.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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