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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with a number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with a number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh disadvantages? g5521
Today, young adults in some countries outnumbered the elderlies, and this was the issue whether this is beneficial or not. Some people believe that this is advantageous while others claim that older people with more experience can provide extensive benefits to society. I strongly believe that advantages outweigh drawbacks due to physical abilities of young people and the economic benefits that brings. To begin with, having a higher number of young people has several advantages. Firstly, young people are more productive. They could be faster in analysing data and more multitasking. Secondly, young people are much healthier than old people. Consequently, the healthier population the less stress on the budget of healthcare, which brings economic benefits to the government. Furthermore, educated youngsters are mostly thinking out of the box and promoting new ideas which could change the world. It is generally accepted that young people are changing their attitude as per the need and always challenge the old style of thinking. This helps the country to grow and gain acceptance in the global world. However, there are few downsides of having young people since some of them are impatient and hungry to succeed, consequently, they could be quick for action without proper analysis of the situations. For instance, old people are more experienced in the community, young ones are considered as lacking knowledge and experience to deal with stressful situations. To conclude, even though youngsters could be neglectful, they still have the ability to provide fresh ideas and to be more productive than older once.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries outnumbered the
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
, and this was the issue whether this is beneficial or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is advantageous while others claim that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with more experience can provide extensive benefits to society. I
strongly
believe that advantages outweigh drawbacks due to physical abilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the economic benefits that brings.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, having a higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has several advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more productive. They could be faster in
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
data and more multitasking.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are much healthier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, the healthier population the less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the budget of healthcare, which brings economic benefits to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Furthermore
, educated youngsters are
mostly
thinking out of the box and promoting new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world. It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are changing their attitude as per the need and always challenge the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
style of thinking. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the country to grow and gain acceptance in the global world.

However
, there are few downsides of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are impatient and hungry to succeed,
consequently
, they could be quick for action without proper analysis of the situations.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more experienced in the community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones
are considered
as lacking knowledge and experience to deal with stressful situations.

To conclude
,
even though
youngsters could be neglectful, they
still
have the ability to provide fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and to be more productive than older once.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with a number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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