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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? axAw
The importance of adults and younger people in a country which is always debatable has now become more controversial. The population of country consistent of children, adults and older people which play their own significant role in society and have some pros and cons as well. In my opinion, advantages of having more youngsters overlap the disadvantages. This essay will highlights the brighter and darker side of this trend and further needs scrutinization before forming a view point.
The importance of adults and younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a country which is always debatable has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become more controversial. The population of country consistent of children, adults and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which play their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significant role in society and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons
as well
. In my opinion, advantages of having more youngsters overlap the disadvantages. This essay will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "highlight"
highlights
the brighter and darker side of this trend and
further
needs scrutinization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming a view point.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
78 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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