Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the njmber of older peolpe.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the njmber of older peolpe. LV6K
The number of young generation is becoming increasingly larger than that of senior citizens in some states currently. In my estimation, relatively higher percentage of youthful individuals brings benefits to governments' economy although there is professionalism shortage among them. On the one hand, older generation has sufficient experience to perform well, whereas younger generation struggle to react correctly to various situations. They underwent and overcame number of difficulties effectively throughout their life, therefore the elderly can make the community happier. However, as the proportion of young grows, government officials and cooperation have to employ them so as to prevent the high unemployment rate. In this case, high unemployment rate caused by rising share of youthful adults may result in increasing amount of violence, which affects the society negatively. For instance, in our neighboring city there are many jobless individuals who sometimes meet their basic needs by robbery or bulling. On the other hand, young generation who is great deal of labor force benefits authority economically. They regularly pay income taxes to authority, and this money might be invested into enhancing infrastructure of country. It means that the more youthful labor force in a country the faster the state develop compared to the states lacking younger adults. For example, in our country the government officials have adequate budget drawn up by income taxes partially to allocate to transport and medical facilities. Moreover, the young usually stays active in terns of accepting and introducing such technological ones, whilst the senior citizens have problems with imposing innovations, which are beneficial for the public. In fact, the state having great deal of youthful generation is economically and socially advantaged. It is rational to conclude that increasing number of younger adults have more positive aspects in comparison with negative ones to the economy and the society.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is becoming
increasingly
larger than that of senior citizens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
currently
. In my estimation,
relatively
higher percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
individuals brings benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' economy although there is professionalism shortage among them.

On the one hand, older generation has sufficient experience to perform well, whereas younger generation struggle to react
correctly
to various situations. They underwent and overcame number of difficulties
effectively
throughout their life,
therefore
the elderly can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the community happier.
However
, as the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
grows,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials and cooperation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
employ them
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the high unemployment rate.
In this case
, high unemployment rate caused by rising share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
adults may result in increasing amount of violence, which affects the society
negatively
.
For instance
, in our neighboring city there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobless individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs by robbery or bulling.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation who is great deal of labor force benefits authority
economically
. They
regularly
pay income taxes to authority, and this money might
be invested
into enhancing infrastructure of country. It means that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
labor force in a country the faster the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
develop compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
lacking younger adults.
For example
, in our country the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials have adequate budget drawn up by income taxes
partially
to allocate to transport and medical facilities.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
usually
stays active in terns of accepting and introducing such technological ones, whilst the senior citizens have problems with imposing innovations, which are beneficial for the public. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
having great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
generation is
economically
and
socially
advantaged. It is rational
to conclude
that increasing number of younger adults have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects
in comparison
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones to the economy and the society.

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the njmber of older peolpe.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the njmber of older peolpe.