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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatevely large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatevely large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? GML1L
The commonly believe that nowadays in majority of country contain highest level of teenagers compared with adult and older people. from my perspective I think, the huge number of young people is optimal way to developing vide range of direction. but in this essay I will cover pros and cons side. The first aspect to pint out is that, in advanced and developing country have been paying attention to youngest people and, in such kind of country compared between young and old people. Lets us start considering the fact that, in many country include largest number of teenagers than adult people and it can be obvious that, it was influenced positively to make progression of country. because, the personal new essential opinion of teenagers are able to enhance economy of country. Take an clear example to this if many special organization support young children, they can improve their native ability which is considered as one of the most important thing for their careen progression. Furthermore such kind of teenagers contribute to accomlish highest score of the country and at modern time young qualified young staff obtaining huge attainment and they investigating on contemporary project. The seem to be number of drawback associated with increase number of teenagers, the most significant of which is lack of experience of adult, according to this oldest people had acquired many vital experience from own direction therefore the view of oldest people should be possibly part of our life. taking everything into consideration, the rise amount of youngest people is provide us with new idea, new investigation therefore the youngest people is more important than adult.
The
commonly
believe that nowadays in majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
contain
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
compared with adult and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
my perspective I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a optimal".
optimal
way to developing vide range of direction.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
in this essay I will cover pros and cons side.

The
first
aspect to pint out is that, in advanced and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have been paying attention to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and, in such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
compared between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Lets
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
considering the fact that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
include
A determiner is probably missing here: "the largest".
largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
than adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it can be obvious that, it
was influenced
positively
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
, the personal new essential opinion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are able to enhance economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Take
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example to this if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
special organization support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their native ability which
is considered
as one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for their careen progression.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
contribute to
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomlish
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
score of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and at modern time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
staff obtaining huge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attainment and
Did you mean "they're investigating", "they are investigating", or "they were investigating"?
they investigating
on contemporary project.

After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'seem' is correct. If 'seem' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The seem
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of drawback associated with increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, the most significant of which is lack of experience of adult, according to this oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had acquired
Possible agreement error. The noun experience seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much vital experience", "a good deal of vital experience".
many vital experience
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
direction
therefore
the view of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the oldest".
oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
possibly
part of our life.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
taking
everything into consideration, the rise amount of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is provide us with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, new investigation
therefore
the youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than adult.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatevely large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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