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At some universities, students take part in making decisions about the issues that affect daily life of everyone on campus such as how many hours the libraries should be open each day or what kinds of food should be served in the cafeteria. But at some un v.2

At some universities, students take part in making decisions about the issues that affect daily life of everyone on campus such as how many hours the libraries should be open each day or what kinds of food should be served in the cafeteria. But at some un v. 2
The question is whether the university should allow students to make decision about university’s issues or it should be better to hire experts in every field. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement; however I am inclined to declare that students with participating in such activities can take advantage from this situation. I feel this way for some reasons, which I will explore them in following essay for strengthening my vantage point: To begin with, nobody could overlook the fact that the university plays a pivotal role in students' life and future. It goes without saying that universities not only help education system, but also they create a bed for students to form their personality. Cooperation and participation in such miscellaneous activities like making decision about food or the hours that the libraries would be open and so on, will cause the young to improve knowledge base in every field. One should not forget that nowadays gaining diverse experiences and being up-dated is vital because people need to keep up themselves with such a technology-driven world; consequently, this opportunity gives a chance to young students to broaden the scope of their knowledge. I remember, last year my university made a decision to eliminate some rules. Based on one of these rules, the staff did not have to guide new students in campus because they did not have enough time for this; subsequently students like me, had to do this task. It was very practical. We could provide some worthwhile information about campus and dormitory' s life for new students that experts were not able to do that. The second reason for my arguments lies the reality that one of the biggest challenges for students is that they need to make friends for themselves or even more the university' s life requires students to learn group- work. One of the striking factors in the success of the societies is collaboration among people. If human beings are not instructed this factor, definitely countries will not be prosperous. To elucidate, take Japan. Since students learn to participate in school' s activities or university, this country has been set above list of developed-countries. One should notice that working in the group provides a circumstance for students to debate with each other and as a result the best friendships will be created. As I have illustrated, I am strongly concurred with this mentioned approach because it can give a sense of independence and responsible to students; hence, they will be able to shape their personality.
The question is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decision about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university’s
issues or it should be better to hire experts in every field. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement;
however
I
am inclined
to declare that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with participating in such activities can take advantage from this situation. I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which I will explore them in following essay for strengthening my vantage point:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
plays a pivotal role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; life and future. It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
education system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they create a bed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to form their personality. Cooperation and participation in such miscellaneous activities like making decision about food or the hours that the libraries would be open and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, will cause the young to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
knowledge base in every field. One should not forget that nowadays gaining diverse experiences and being up-dated is vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up themselves with such a technology-driven world;
consequently
, this opportunity gives a chance to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to broaden the scope of their knowledge. I remember, last year my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
made a decision to eliminate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. Based on one of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, the staff did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
guide new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in campus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for this;
subsequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like me, had to do this task. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
practical. We could provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worthwhile information about campus and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dormitory&
#039; s life for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that experts were not able to do that.

The second reason for my arguments lies the reality that one of the biggest challenges for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is that they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends for themselves or even more the
Possible spelling mistake found.
university&
#039; s life requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn group- work. One of the striking factors in the success of the societies is collaboration among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If human beings are not instructed this factor, definitely countries will not be prosperous. To elucidate, take Japan. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
school&
#039; s activities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, this country has
been set
above list of developed-countries. One should notice that working in the group provides a circumstance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to debate with each other and
as a result
the best friendships will
be created
.

As I have illustrated, I am
strongly
concurred with this mentioned approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can give a sense of independence and responsible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
hence
, they will be able to shape their personality.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay At some universities, students take part in making decisions about the issues that affect daily life of everyone on campus such as how many hours the libraries should be open each day or what kinds of food should be served in the cafeteria. But at some un v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
429 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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