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At present,education has been significantly commercialised in many parts of the world.Is this positive or negative development?

Education plays a vital role in a person development. Education is a weapon that one can receive to succeed in their professional and personal life. The window for opportunities increases when the knowledge level increases. But in today’s world education is become commercialised and the number of educational institutions have opened in every nook and corner of the world. Firstly, commercialisation has bought an element of financial aspect in education. It became common that education become available for everyone who has money with them, especially in case of higher education. For example, in past days marks entrance marks were considered for getting qualified in professional jobs like doctors, engineers so on. But now many of the colleges are giving admissions for these courses after charging high fees and donation. Commercialization has bought a change in student teacher relationship. Teachers were considered equal to god in olden days, but in modern world teachers are only treated as a service provider for the money they give. The value of education is considerably lost many times, rather than acquiring knowledge, many students consider education as a tool for getting better job profiles. For instance when the opportunities for a particular job increases, many students jump into that career to get better job and money. This selection is only for money and good profile other than the passion involved in it. On the contrary, when the number educational institutions increased it lead to rise in availability of education to everyone. These lead to the economic development of the country. Educated manpower always act as an asset for a nation’s development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays a vital role in a person development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is a weapon that one can receive to succeed in their professional and personal life. The window for opportunities increases when the knowledge level increases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is become
Possible spelling mistake. ‘commercialised’ is British English.
commercialised
and the number of educational institutions have opened in every nook and corner of the world.

Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘commercialisation’ is British English.
commercialisation
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
an element of financial aspect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It became common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
become available for everyone who has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with them,
especially
in case of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, in past days marks entrance marks
were considered
for getting qualified in professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like doctors, engineers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the colleges are giving admissions for these courses after charging high fees and donation.
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘commercialization’ and ‘commercialisation’) within a single text.
Commercialization
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in student teacher relationship. Teachers
were considered
equal to god in olden days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in modern world teachers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
treated as a service provider for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they give.

The value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
considerably
lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times,
rather
than acquiring knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as a tool for getting better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
profiles.
For instance
when the opportunities for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
increases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students jump into that career to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This selection is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profile other than the passion involved in it.

On the contrary
, when the number educational institutions increased it lead to rise in availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to everyone. These lead to the economic development of the country. Educated manpower always act as an asset for a nation’s development.
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IELTS essay At present, education has been significantly commercialised in many parts of the world. Is this positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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