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As well as making moey, businesses also have social responsibilities. To wat extend do you agree or disagree?

As well as making moey, businesses also have social responsibilities. To wat extend bk8Q
Businesses are sought to make a profit, but they are also expected to fullfil their social obligations as well. I completely agree that businesses could do more to not only make money, but also have a greater impact on their societies. Firstly, the primary goal of any start up must be to earn revenue in order to survive in this competitive world. The considereble amount of budget will be spend on the running costs such as employee’s wages, payment for building and utilities. Like any other successful company, the proportion of income should be allocated to improvement and innovation. If a company cannot support itself, any concern for social resposibilities is irrelevent. That why I put healthy financial before any other objective. Another point to consider is that businesses should not be run with the sole aim of maximising profit, they need to take social responsibilities into account. My first example starts at work space, employee’s must be treated well by bosses and managers rather that exploiting them. They can be paid “living wage” so they can be earn enough to accomodate their needs. I also like the idea of companities supporting local charities, environmental projects and education inititives. Hence, Business must instead of looking for accounting loopholes to minimise their taxes, be looking forward to them as their way to contribute to societly. In conclusion, I solidly believe that It is logical for businesses to rise money for their survival but this must not stray them off social obligations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Businesses
are sought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfil
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations
as well
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
could do more to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have a greater impact on their societies.

Firstly
, the primary goal of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be to earn revenue in order to survive in this competitive world. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
considereble
amount of budget will be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
on the running costs such as employee’s wages, payment for building and utilities. Like any other successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, the proportion of income should
be allocated
to improvement and innovation. If a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
cannot support itself, any concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
resposibilities
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
irrelevent
. That why I put healthy financial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any other objective.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should not
be run
with the sole aim of
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximising' is British English.
maximising
profit, they need to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities into account. My
first
example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at work space, employee’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be treated
well by bosses and managers
rather
that exploiting them. They can
be paid
“living wage”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be
Consider using the past participle "earned"?
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodate
their needs. I
also
like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
companities
supporting local charities, environmental projects and education
Possible spelling mistake found.
inititives
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
instead
of looking for accounting loopholes to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
their taxes, be looking forward to them as their way to contribute to
Possible spelling mistake found.
societly
.

In conclusion
, I
solidly
believe that It is logical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to rise money for their survival
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not stray them off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations.
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IELTS essay As well as making moey, businesses also have social responsibilities. To wat extend

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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