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As the world has become more connected than ever, nationalism has lost its relevance now. To solve various global issues, countries should cooperate instead of working individually. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As the world has become more connected than ever, nationalism has lost its relevance now. To solve various global issues, countries should cooperate instead of working individually. with this statement? oxjeK
Coming into an era of globalisation, the world is becoming more interconnected as there have been major improvements for means of communication and transports. It is easier for people to exchange ideas and communicate because of technological advancements. Due to this, there is also an increasing number of people who are more becoming more aware of what is currently going on in the world right now and are eager to tackle these issues, whilst also working with different nations. Nationalism is, I believe, not as relevant as it was before due to globalisation. Countries should start cooperating with one another instead of working individually, mainly because it is one of the most effective ways to solve various global issues, such as wars and conflicts between countries. For example, the United States war in Afghanistan might be resolved if both countries backed out and worked as one. Wars and conflicts are just some of the issues that the world is facing right now. Another example is refugee migrations. If countries would accept people, despite their background, the world would be in peace and refugees would not have to migrate from place to place. Some refugee camps might also have high rates of crime and violence, making it unsafe for the people there. If countries would respect each other and work together, I believe that these types of issues can eventually be resolved. Overall, I would say that countries should cooperate instead of working individually because it is a crucial step in world peace. Some things that we do would not be here if it weren’t for all the countries who have worked together and exchanged their ideas.
Coming into an era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is becoming more interconnected as there have been major improvements for means of communication and transports. It is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and communicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological advancements. Due to this, there is
also
an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more becoming more aware of what is
currently
going on in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and are eager to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, whilst
also
working with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations. Nationalism is, I believe, not as relevant as it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.

Countries should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
cooperating with one another
instead
of working
individually
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is one of the most effective ways to solve various global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, such as wars and conflicts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, the United States war in Afghanistan might
be resolved
if both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
backed out and worked as one.

Wars and conflicts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is facing right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Another example is refugee migrations. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, despite their background, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would be in peace and refugees would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
migrate from place to place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
refugee camps might
also
have high rates of crime and violence, making it unsafe for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would respect
each other and work together, I believe that these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
can
eventually
be resolved
.

Overall
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should cooperate
instead
of working
individually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a crucial step in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
things that we do would not be here if it weren’t for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who have worked together and exchanged their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
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IELTS essay As the world has become more connected than ever, nationalism has lost its relevance now. To solve various global issues, countries should cooperate instead of working individually. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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