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As for the elderly, living in caring house is better than living at home with young children. Do you agree or disagree?

As for the elderly, living in caring house is better than living at home with young children. nNMme
Currently, many people believe that retirement community is more suitable choice for senior citizens. Instead of staying with their families. In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement. On the one than, living in nursing house has both benefits for elderly and their families. Firstly, as for themselves, they are more likely to receive a better serve which means that they may acquire immediate help if they have problems. For example, if they suddenly have physical problems and feel uncomfortable like stomachaches, headaches or even heartaches, nurses and doctors are required to take care of them. In addition, the elderly can feel much happier when living in a community filled with their peers, because seniors can meet new friends who share with the same interested. Therefore, ageing people are more likely to enjoy life in a retirement centers compared with those who ought to stay at home since they have different hobbies from the younger generation. Secondly, as for their families, adults and children devote more time and energy to do their works or studies. If the elderly living in caring house, it could relieve adults’ financial burden and the younger generation could more concentrate on their own things. On the other hand, however, living away from their families also have drawbacks. The bond between seniors and the youngers has become weaken since they do not have much time to communicate with each other. In conclusion, from my own perspective, although the elderly living in caring center might lead alienation between their families, I am sure that old people should be sent to nursing house.
Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that retirement community is more suitable choice for senior citizens.
Instead
of staying with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

On the one than,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in nursing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has both benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Firstly
, as for themselves, they are more likely to receive a better serve which means that they may acquire immediate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
if they have problems.
For example
, if they
suddenly
have physical problems and feel uncomfortable like stomachaches, headaches or even heartaches, nurses and doctors
are required
to take care of them.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
can feel much happier when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a community filled with their peers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
seniors can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends who share with the same interested.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to enjoy life in a retirement centers compared with those who ought to stay at home since they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hobbies from the younger generation.
Secondly
, as for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, adults and children devote more time and energy to do their works or studies. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in caring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, it could relieve adults’ financial burden and the younger generation could more concentrate on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things.

On the other hand
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
also
have drawbacks. The bond between seniors and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
has become weaken since they do not have much time to communicate with each other.

In conclusion
, from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in caring center might lead alienation between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, I am sure that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
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IELTS essay As for the elderly, living in caring house is better than living at home with young children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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