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As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults? to what extent are the changes that take place good?

Nowadays, because of transformation of children to adulthood, they experience the number of changes in many aspects of their life including the way they behave. As a result, there is a huge diversity between the personalities of younger and older generations. However, not all children adopt beneficial differentiations for the development of their temperament. This essay will compare differences in the personalities between these age groups and identify the good points during the maturity. To commence with, children tend to be much braver and empathetic therefore they express their feelings without any fear. For example, children might tell the truth that parents hide from others, and they express their feelings openly, whether it is joy or happiness, as well as anger and misery. This is in strong comparison to adults who tend to lie a lot along with hiding what they are feeling in their inner world. For instance, some adults hide their emotions to save relationships or work. Secondly, during the maturity not all children adopt good characteristics for them. A good example would be transition to another school, as kids differently react to new environment we expect that most extrovert children would become quiet and introvert. Nevertheless, tranquil and shy children would switch their placid disposition to jealous or aggressive one. As can be seen from these examples, the alteration in children’s social behavior varies from child to child. In conclusion, during the growth children witness number of changes in their behavior, and acquiring good characteristics during this period will take place differently based on the personality of a kid.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of transformation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to adulthood, they experience the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of their life including the way they behave.
As a result
, there is a huge diversity between the personalities of younger and older generations.
However
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adopt beneficial
Possible spelling mistake found.
differentiations
for the development of their temperament. This essay will compare differences in the personalities between these age groups and identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
points during the maturity.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to be much braver and empathetic
therefore
they express their feelings without any fear.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
from others, and they express their feelings
openly
, whether it is joy or happiness,
as well
as anger and misery. This is in strong comparison to adults who tend to lie a lot along with hiding what they are feeling in their inner world.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their emotions to save relationships or work.

Secondly
, during the maturity not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
characteristics for them. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example would be transition to another school, as kids
differently
react to new environment we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that most extrovert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become quiet and introvert.
Nevertheless
, tranquil and shy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would switch their placid disposition to jealous or aggressive one. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from these examples, the alteration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social behavior varies from child to child.

In conclusion
, during the growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
witness number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their behavior, and acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
characteristics during this period will take place
differently
based on the personality of a kid.

IELTS essay As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children's social behaviour and that of adults?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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