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Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?

A lot of people believe that the aim of every country must be the manufacturing a lot of merchandises and products. However, this might have some negative and positive impacts on environment as well as on the living conditions of people. Personally, I partially agree with this statement and this essay will support my views with relevant examples and explanations. To commence with firstly, producing more and more goods results in the increased income. Because, if country produces more and more products then there is a high possibility for exporting them to neighboring countries. As a consequence, country’s budget is fullfilled. For example, goods are sold to higher prices in the international trades, because of transporting them from far-away destinations. In addition, mass-production of materials leads to the construction of factories, which in turn can provide working places for most unemployed people. This is the great advantage for country to eradicate poverty. Furthermore, mass-production is essential in lowering the price of goods at local groceries, therefore it attracts more buyers, which is also one of the main sources of income. Thus producing more goods in an appropriate goal. Secondly, despite having the number of advantages from making goods, it can also bring some disadvantages. For example, mass-production can lead to diminishing natural resources such as, silk and cotton for clothes, trees for paper and animals for meet consumption. As a result of wiping out trees, we destroy the main source for our oxygen capacity, as well as habitat for many birds, and small mammals. Plus, factories where manufacturing takes place might produce excess levels of carbon dioxide resulting in air-pollution and global warming. This might cause some negative consequences in the environment. For instance, a lot of gas that has been produced contains heavy metals, acid vapors, and toxic particles To summarize, producing materials, can have both positive and negative effects on the country, therefore, I partially agree that manufacturing goods is the main aim for government, because it has considerable negative effects along with resulting in increased income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the aim of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the manufacturing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
merchandises and products.
However
, this might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on environment
as well
as on the living conditions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay will support my views with relevant examples and explanations.

To commence with
firstly
, producing more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
results in the increased income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
produces more and
Did you mean “more products than”?
more products then
there is a high possibility for exporting them to neighboring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
budget is
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfilled
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are sold
to higher prices in the international trades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of transporting them from far-away destinations.
In addition
, mass-production of materials leads to the construction of factories, which in turn can provide working places for most unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is the great advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to eradicate poverty.
Furthermore
, mass-production is essential in lowering the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
at local groceries,
therefore
it attracts more buyers, which is
also
one of the main sources of income.
Thus
producing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
in an appropriate goal.

Secondly
, despite having the number of advantages from making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, it can
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
For example
, mass-production can lead to diminishing natural resources such as, silk and cotton for clothes, trees for paper and animals for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
consumption.
As a result
of wiping out trees, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the main source for our oxygen capacity,
as well
as habitat for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
birds, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
mammals. Plus, factories where manufacturing takes place might produce excess levels of carbon dioxide resulting in air-pollution and global warming. This might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences in the environment.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
gas that has
been produced
contains heavy metals, acid vapors, and toxic particles

To summarize
, producing materials, can have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
therefore
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is the main aim for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects along with resulting in increased income.

IELTS essay Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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