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As a country develops, people tend to buy more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v.4

As a country develops, people tend to buy more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 4
Technology is flourishing by leaps and bounds; besides that, many opt to buy their own vehicle which is proportionally affecting our environment. It is believed that countries progress is dependent on their citizens; but, with rapid development the surroundings are being polluted equally. In my opinion, individual luxury of using cars and pollution causing vehicles are disadvantageous to environment. On a major note, with the growth of population in this mechanical world; many tend to buy a car to led a luxurious life. In addition, there is huge damage to natural environment with increased pollution; moreover, both human life and ecosystem is being into perilous situation. On the other hand, it is advantageous to an individual to own an independent vehicle. Because, this gives them more convenience to travel from home to work and in addition they reach on time which increases their productivity. Moreover, in a survey it is proved that an employee reaching office on time is tension free and their whole day goes smooth. The others who travel by other means of transport are late to office and feel hectic in start of their work. Secondly, if a person who manages both study and does apart time job can be benefited by having a car. It is easy to travel from work to study place and manageable for this kind of part-time workforce. To exemplify, students who study in abroad need to do their part-time job and study so, on primary basis they tend to buy a car for sure. In conclusion, although there is a heavy downfall in environmental conditions which results in global warming; consequently, there are equal benefits with usage of cars. I believe that with the advancement in this fast forward world we need to rush with all but need to be more cautious because we need to survive on this earth.
Technology is flourishing by leaps and bounds;
besides
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle which is
proportionally
affecting our environment. It
is believed
that countries progress is dependent on their citizens;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, with rapid development the surroundings are
being polluted
equally
. In my opinion, individual luxury of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and pollution causing vehicles are disadvantageous to environment.

On a major note, with the growth of population in this mechanical world;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
Did you mean "to lead"?
to led
a luxurious life.
In addition
, there is huge damage to natural environment with increased pollution;
moreover
, both human life and ecosystem is being into perilous situation.

On the other hand
, it is advantageous to an individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
an independent vehicle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, this gives them more convenience to travel from home to work and
in addition
they reach on time which increases their productivity.
Moreover
, in a survey it
is proved
that an employee reaching office on time is tension free and their whole day goes smooth. The others who travel by other means of transport are late to office and feel hectic in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of their work.

Secondly
, if a person who manages both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and does apart time job can
be benefited
by having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. It is easy to travel from work to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
place and manageable for this kind of part-time workforce. To exemplify, students who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do their part-time job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, on primary basis they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for sure.

In conclusion
, although there is a heavy downfall in environmental conditions which results in global warming;
consequently
, there are equal benefits with usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. I believe that with the advancement in this
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fast forward
world we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to rush with all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be more cautious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to survive on this earth.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay As a country develops, people tend to buy more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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