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All around the globe every year many animal species become extinct. However, some people feel that governments should be concerned more with solving the problems of human life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

All around the globe every year many animal species become extinct. However, some people feel that governments should be concerned more with solving the problems of human life. v. 2
Habitant loss can be enormous ways such as, environmental calamities, pollution, drought, deforestation and many others; however, in this circumstance various species are being eliminated from globe. Further to this, humans argue that government need to consider the challenges faced by human life because they are being affected by these calamities. Firstly, there are plethora of species in this massive arena fighting to safeguard their survival. Due the rapid growth of population there is undoubted increase in pollution as well; moreover, to maintain their existence on earth humans are attempting to deforestation. By this unlawful act many endangered and rare species are vanished. On the other hand, pollution plays a vital role in tuning environment to become more toxic. In addition, aquatic mammals are becoming extinct due to the release of industrial waste into rivers. Humans are part of great cycle of life on earth, and as such we depend on overall systems for our survival. On the contrary, human life is in perilous situation despite of calamities like earthquakes, floods, drought; additionally, there is a huge loss of infrastructure and resources. To reform the structure to its original state and to continue the human existence it requires lot of support from government. Due to the unnecessary usage of resources with massive increase in population, many natural resources are being abolished which needs to be controlled. As, globe is a humongous mass which constitute both animals and humans without them there is no existence of earth. Government need to be concerned at whole ecosystem; but, human’s life needs more importance because human existence can help in animal’s survival and longevity. On a whole, the management should help in solving the challenges faced by human life.
Habitant loss can be enormous ways such as, environmental calamities, pollution, drought, deforestation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others;
however
, in this circumstance various species are
being eliminated
from globe.
Further
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to consider the challenges faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these calamities.

Firstly
, there are plethora of species in this massive arena fighting to safeguard their survival.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'Due'.
Due the
rapid growth of population there
is undoubted
increase in pollution
as well
;
moreover
, to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
on earth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are attempting to deforestation. By this unlawful act
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
endangered and rare species
are vanished
.
On the other hand
, pollution plays a vital role in tuning environment to become more toxic.
In addition
, aquatic mammals are becoming extinct due to the release of industrial waste into rivers.

Humans are part of great cycle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on earth, and as such we depend on
overall
systems for our survival.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is in perilous situation
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
calamities like earthquakes, floods, drought;
additionally
, there is a huge loss of infrastructure and resources. To reform the structure to its original state and to continue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
it requires
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
support from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Due to the unnecessary usage of resources with massive increase in population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natural resources are
being abolished
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be controlled
.

As, globe is a humongous mass which constitute both animals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
without them there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of earth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be concerned
at whole ecosystem;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in animal’s survival and longevity. On a whole, the management should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in solving the challenges faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay All around the globe every year many animal species become extinct. However, some people feel that governments should be concerned more with solving the problems of human life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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