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Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express thoughts and ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express thoughts and ideas. v. 12
Societies sometimes pose restrictions on the ways of expression, which not only makes it difficult to express what is in the mind of an artist. Therefore, some people think that artists should be given full liberty in order to represent themselves by the piece of art in which they are addict like painting, music. While some people contradict this by saying that it is against the laws of any country and nobody is allowed to do anything for which the country law don’t allow to do. I personally disagree with the former view and in this I will discuss this scenario based on the examples of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims. Firstly, those who are in favour of the idea that artists are allowed to do what they want to do, don’t investigate the social barriers in which our societies are bound. Furthermore, humanity teaches us to keep other humans happy and advocates of freedom of artist’s action forget that may be that one person can result in the grief and pain of all the society by its actions. For example, Oxford University in 2016 conducted a research on freedom of speech and found out that there is more violence in those countries which give liberty of speech. So, from this example, it is clear that artists have to respect the rights and beliefs of that region whom it is representing. Secondly, some people regard liberty as playing with the sentiments of other people. This kind of attitude is not only destructible for any society, especially if an artist adopts this way. Additionally, it brings more happiness on the face of people if an artist thinks of them and think like them. Similarly, s survey of Time Magazine in 2016 suggests that artists are the ambassadors of the society and they have to respect this title in a good way. So from this example, it is clear that artists are the representative of that culture and they have to do something to help their culture in a positive way. To conclude, artists have the right of expression and they have the liberty to express it, but there are social limits for this and artists have to respect this limit for the betterment of their society. In the future, if governments will impose strict laws for any violence recorded in the name of speech, artists will perform in a better way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
pose restrictions on the ways of expression, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to express what is in the mind of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
full liberty in order to represent themselves by the piece of art in which they are addict like painting, music. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contradict this by saying that it is against the laws of any country and nobody is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do anything for which the country law don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
. I
personally
disagree with the former view and in this I will discuss this scenario based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims.

Firstly
, those who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do what they want to do, don’t investigate the social barriers in which our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are bound
.
Furthermore
, humanity teaches us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
other humans happy and advocates of freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist’s
action forget that may be that one person can result in the grief and pain of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by its actions. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Oxford University in 2016 conducted
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on freedom of speech and found out that there is more violence in those countries which give liberty of speech.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect the rights and beliefs of that region whom it is representing.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard liberty as playing with the sentiments of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This kind of attitude is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
destructible for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
especially
if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
adopts this way.
Additionally
, it brings more happiness on the face of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
of them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like them.
Similarly
, s survey of Time Magazine in 2016 suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the ambassadors of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect this title in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the representative of that
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
culture and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their culture in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have the right of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expression and
they have the liberty to express it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are social limits for this and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect this limit for the betterment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In the future, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will impose strict laws for any violence recorded in the name of speech,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
will perform in a better way.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express thoughts and ideas. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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