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Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? YOXd
In these days and our age, art does not fetch money as other fields such as technology, science and business do. The first reason for this is that art lessons are ignored at schools. Secondly, since art is not a basic need, it cannot find any field in daily life. In this manner, curiosity to art and art education remains for those who have financial power. I will support these two views with arguments in the following paragraphs. Firstly, my own view on the matter is that people tend to do certain jobs. Perhaps for this reason, many people work in jobs they do not want at all. For example; these people can be doctors, engineers, teachers, business people because we are concerned about the future and we live in a country with low prosperity. Therefore, people’s only goal is meeting their basic needs. Because of this reason, classes focusing on art and creativity are not available in my country’s schools. Secondly, I strongly opine that there are only a few people who go to concerts, exhibitions, theaters and movies in their daily lives. These activities do not attract the attention of people because there is no training on these subjects at schools. People who work long hours and get low salary, do not want to spend their time and money on such events. There are few artistic activities as a result of the fact that people do not prefer to spend time and money on art and related workings. Owing to this, there are not enough theaters, concerts, and exhibitions, which leads the society to move away from art. However, some serious actions can be taken to motivate the public to show interest to art and artisitc activities. Firstly, art education should be given to the chileren at early ages and every member of the society should be encouraged to intertwined with art. Moreover, governments should introduce more innovative programs in different fields of arts at schools and revise their curriculum. Last but not least, new state-supported art institutions and halls should be established so that people do not worry about the tution fees. In conclusion, two main reasons are behind the stunted fields of art, which are firstly lack of necessary and sufficient art education at schools and secondly low interest of pepole towards the artisitc activities. No need to say that these problems can be solved by arousing people's interesets, producing related programs at schools and establishing some new state art institutions in the society.
In these days and our age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
does not fetch money as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as technology, science and business do. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lessons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Secondly
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not a basic need, it cannot find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
in daily life. In this manner, curiosity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education remains for those who have financial power. I will support these two views with arguments in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view on the matter is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to do certain jobs. Perhaps for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work in jobs they do not want at all.
For example
; these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be doctors, engineers, teachers, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
are concerned
about the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a country with low prosperity.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal is meeting their basic needs.
Because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, classes focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and creativity are not available in my country’s schools.

Secondly
, I
strongly
opine that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to concerts, exhibitions, theaters and movies in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
do not attract the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no training on these subjects at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who work long hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low salary, do not want to spend their time and money on such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. There are few artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as a result
of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not prefer to spend time and money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and related workings. Owing to this, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
theaters, concerts, and exhibitions, which leads the society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from art.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious actions can
be taken
to motivate the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
artisitc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
chileren
at early ages and every member of the society should
be encouraged
to
Did you mean "intertwine"?
intertwined
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should introduce more innovative programs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and revise their curriculum. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, new state-supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
institutions and halls should
be established
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not worry about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
fees.

In conclusion
, two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are behind the stunted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which are
firstly
lack of necessary and sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
education at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
secondly
low interest of
Possible spelling mistake found.
pepole
towards the
Possible spelling mistake found.
artisitc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. No need to say that these problems can
be solved
by arousing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
interesets
, producing related programs at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and establishing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
institutions in the society.
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IELTS essay Art considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
418 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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