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Around the world, people are living and staying healthy for longer and longer. What changes does this bring to today’s society? Are these changes good or bad?

Around the world, people are living and staying healthy for longer and longer. What changes does this bring to today’s society? Are these changes good or bad? Ow9Dy
Nowadays, people are living longer than ever before. It brings several problems that require changes in today's society to adapt to an aging population. Firstly, more people are needed to care for the elderly. Elderly care takes different forms, ranging from medical attention to personal care such as feeding and specialized assistance for those who have difficulty moving around. However, few people like this type of work because it is ill-paid and uninteresting. Secondly, elderly people do not want to stop working because they want to have an income and stay active as long as possible, so they do not quit their jobs. As a result, it is harder for young people to find work. Last but not least, medicine has advanced increasing life expectancy in a short period. Better health in aged people is due to public health efforts to improve living conditions and prevent disease. In addition, it may have been necessary to develop new medicines for the illnesses the elderly could come down with.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living longer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It brings several problems that require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society to adapt to an aging population.

Firstly
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are needed
to care for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Elderly
care takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms, ranging from medical attention to personal care such as feeding and specialized assistance for those who have difficulty moving around.
However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like this type of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is ill-paid and uninteresting.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to have an income and stay active as long as possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not quit their jobs.
As a result
, it is harder for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find work.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, medicine has advanced increasing life expectancy in a short period. Better health in aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
due to public health efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living conditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
disease.
In addition
, it may have been necessary to develop new medicines for the illnesses the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down with.
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IELTS essay Around the world, people are living and staying healthy for longer and longer. What changes does this bring to today’s society? Are these changes good or bad?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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