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The growing population is a big problem in developing countries. Should the government provide new homes in the cities or countryside? v.1

The growing population is a big problem in developing countries. Should the government provide new homes in the cities or countryside? v. 1
The population explosion is a significant issue in the third-world nation. Although there are cheaper prices of land at the outskirts, it seems that civics would get more benefits while staying in Central towns. At the outset, the major problem of building houses in the countryside is an inconvenience, faced by the people. It is because of the suffering from the communication towards the workplaces and institutes. To illustrate, the public transport system is not well-connected to the outside places. Thus, in spite of cheap accommodation, such areas are not suitable for living. On the other hand, cities advanced architecture could accommodate more people. It is due to vertical towers, which are built in a way to provide numerous flats on a small piece of land. For instance, in metro cities, hundreds of people have been living in a single skyscraper. Hence, a myriad number of people can enjoy the facilities by living in apartments, established in city centres. Moreover, living in cities can provide a prosperous lifestyle because of the amenities such as clubs, parks, restaurants and so on. Having visited above said places, people can be engrossed in activities to get rid of stress, caused by hectic schedules. Whereas, these facilities and absolutely impossible in the outskirts as investors do not interested in investing in these underdeveloped areas. In conclusion, humanity is confronting the problem arisen by overpopulation. While low budget houses could be built in the countryside area, according to me, more houses might be built in the cities because of advanced architecture and amenities.
The population explosion is a significant issue in the third-world nation. Although there are cheaper prices of land at the outskirts, it seems that civics would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits while staying in Central towns.

At the outset, the major problem of building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the countryside is an inconvenience, faced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the suffering from the communication towards the workplaces and institutes. To illustrate, the public transport system is not well-connected to the outside places.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
accommodation, such areas are not suitable for living.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
advanced architecture could accommodate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is due to vertical towers, which
are built
in a way to provide numerous flats on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
piece of land.
For instance
, in metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been living in a single skyscraper.
Hence
, a myriad number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy the facilities by living in apartments, established in city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

Moreover
, living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can provide a prosperous lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the amenities such as clubs, parks, restaurants and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Having visited above said places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be engrossed
in activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, caused by hectic schedules. Whereas, these facilities and
absolutely
impossible in the outskirts as investors do not interested in investing in these underdeveloped areas.

In conclusion
, humanity is confronting the problem arisen by overpopulation. While low budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
could
be built
in the countryside area, according to me, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
might
be built
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advanced architecture and amenities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The growing population is a big problem in developing countries. Should the government provide new homes in the cities or countryside? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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