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are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v.1

are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v. 1
Nowadays, many television programs are searching for talented people and the programs have been famous in many communities. Lots of human beings believe that the shows are a better way of looking for talented people, whereas some think that they just entertain the society. This essay will discuss both points of view. With regard to the talented show programs, most man kinds think that it is a good method of searching gifted individuals, because sometimes the programs take the candidate from street singers and musicians. The program can dignify many street performers and make them popular. For example, a boy band from America, One Direction, has become popular in many societies in the world from X-Factor which one of the talented show program in America. However, many believe that they just entertain mankind and profitably the television. For example, when the television perform the talented shows, the television will perform many advertisements on its program. So I think, the inhabitants are just an object of television's commercial. Then, another reason why it just for entertaining people, most of the talented shows do not include an education for adult or children, they just focus on their rating and profit, but they ignore the precious value for persons. In my view, it is useless for human beings. To sum up, although some people argue that televised talent shows are a good method of finding talented people, I would argue they are just entertainment programs and there is no precious and educational value for communities and children. I think the programs just to commerce for TV stations.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are searching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities. Lots of human beings believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are a better way of looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertain the society. This essay will discuss both points of view.

With regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
kinds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method of searching gifted individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
take the candidate from street singers and musicians. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
can dignify
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
street performers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them popular.
For example
, a boy band from America, One Direction, has become popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies in the world from X-Factor which one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in America.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertain mankind and
profitably
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
For example
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "performs".
perform
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
will perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisements on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, the inhabitants are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an object of television's commercial. Then, another reason why it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
do not include an education for adult or children, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on their rating and profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the precious value for persons. In my view, it is useless for human beings.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that televised talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I would argue they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and there is no precious and educational value for communities and children. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to commerce for TV stations.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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